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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, so my predicament is this...my boyfriend and I had been in a sexless relationship for about 6 months before I finally broke up with him. We are still friends and I'm really happy about the breakup, but anyway, one night a few weeks after, I was out at a bar, drunk, and went home with this guy that I've been acquaintances, but not quite friends with, for a while. We ended up having sex because, well Im a 25 year old girl who hadn't had sex in 6 months and was drunk! It's really not like me to act like that so quickly. I'm afraid he'll just see me as just good for sex but I'd like try dating him and getting to know him better because he seems like a cool guy. What can I do so he doesn't just use me for sex? The problem is he lives a few hours away so even though he has invited me on cute dates, the reality is that I'll end up staying the night as his house. How do I turn down sex without looking strange for getting it on on the first date and then not being interested after a real date? Thanks!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): YouWish is right, just talk to him. The only problem is though if you do use his house to stay in then the temptation will be there for both of you and as you said you're a 25 year old woman with sexual needs.
If you stay in his house you will have sex. I mean do you really think after a night out drinking with him you're not going to end up in his bed? Look you know what will happen, you've already slept together so that line has been crossed it will be much easier to get to that point again.
If you want to start dating him and for it not just to be about sex then you'll have to go out on dates on neutral territory, perhaps during the day and then you both go to your own places that night. Or add him on IM and chat to him online.
If you want to slow it down then do, but that means you'll have to make sure you don't get into compromising situations with him. You might be acquaintances for a while now but that means you don't know him that well. If you end up staying at his place anything can happen and if things go bad then you're stuck there for the night too.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 In this case, honesty is the best policy. Tell him that even though you had sex on the first date, you really want to slow things down and get to know him better as a person and let him get to know you. Tell him you want to hold off on the sex for now, even if you use his house as a crash pad. If he's interested in you in the same way, he'll be a gentleman about it.
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