A
female
age
26-29,
*onelygirl123
writes:I decided to pour my heart out and tell my partner exactly how I feel. His depression and his secrecy of our relationship from his ex is getting too much for me and I had a moment of weakness and my emotions just outpoured. He promised how he loves me and wants to be with me but nothing has changed. I still get put on the sidelines I still get ignored and never get complimented or taken out. I know it's the depression but there is only so much I can take. I feel trapped in my own relationship and scared to leave him as I feel that low that I don't think I will find anyone else. If I leave he will have no one and it makes me upset and I can't leave him like that, he's my absolute world and I'd do anything for him. I planned to spend my life with him and have a family with him but all that has changed. He says our relationship cannot go public because of his ex stopping seeing his child. He won't visit a laywer or get legal help. I try and give so much and get literally nothing in return. The only thing keeping me with him is that I know that this is his depressed twin, not my actual partner. I'm out of ideas and emotionally as well as physically drained. Not one sign of romance or effort to keep our relationship going, why doesn't he care and why won't he get help to save our relationship? I need help and advice please
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): "why doesn't he care and why won't he get help to save our relationship?"He has no reason or incentive; he knows he can continue to tell you what you want to hear while treating you like dirt because he knows you'll continue to coddle and enable and make excuses for him. Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES (or doesn't do). I can only assume he's keeping your relationship secret because he's still with his "ex" and he doesn't want her to find out he's cheating on her with you. And if by some chance she really is his ex, then I'd be very disturbed that he isn't pursuing every legal avenue available doing to assert his legal rights as a father. Nothing changes because he doesn't want anything to change and you don't have the courage or self-respect to stand up for yourself. He's perfectly content to keep stringing you along for as long as you're willing to keep allowing him to do so, which at this point would appear to be indefinitely. I suggest you consider seeking counseling to gain the knowledge, insight and tools needed to break this cycle of dysfunction and stop subjugating yourself to the whims of a deceitful, controlling, manipulative coward.
A
female
reader, Nicky123 +, writes (18 November 2015):
It's difficult because no one else can tell you whether to stay or go ... however its what you do not what you say that proves things so if you've told him how bad he makes you feel and he still won't get help that's not good. Also being a secret is a big disrespect. No ex should run your life to that extent .... so fed up of men using the kids as an excuse. If he loves you he wants all to know and deal with the obsticles as they happen. You don't really have a future as a secret and its not fair on you.If you want a resoltion it's tell him to do the right thing or you're out. Always dubious of men who are scared to tell ex about girlfriends .... is he hedging his bets? Even if he's not she isn't stupid enough to think he'll be forever single us she ... if so its never going to end til she finds out anyway. Much better to tell her than she finds out elsewhere so he needs to consider that.As for not finding anyone else ... of course you will in time and maybe look back and wonder what you were thinking ... but for sure you are better off alone than with someone who makes you miserable, lowers your self esteem and is ruining your well being. U owe him nothing if he's not lifting a finger to help you.Ultimately it's up to you though. Best of luck whatever you decide.x
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