A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a wonderful husband and 2 wonderful children. I had back to back pregnancies. I've always been a positive happy person but since the birth of my second son, I've been feeling pretty depressed about my body. I got very very bad stretch marks during both pregnancies, so it pretty much covers my entire stomach and sides, and are still very red. I also had a c section with my second son, which has left a horrible scar. My belly is also quite a bit saggy and wrinkly. I knew of course pregnancies causes changes to a woman's body, but I guess I didn't think it would be as bad or drastic. My best friend and sister have several children and they did not got any stretch marks and still have fabulous bikini bodies. But I know everyone is different. My husband says he loves me and it doesn't bother him, but surely these changes have to bother him at least a little bit. It's not an attractive thing to look at. I find him sometimes staring at my stomach in a weird manner during sex. I never had a great body to begin with, but I always had nice clear skin, and now I don't. I know it's a 'cosmetic' issue but it really does bother me sometimes.Words of advice would be very helpful
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, stretch marks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): I like the idea of him staring at your stomach in a wierd way during sex.Dont you know all men stare in a wierd way during sex.He's in the zone man..Have you thought of candle light which is romantic and kind..You can get these battery ones that look real but if the baby starts crying and you both jump up unexpectedly as the little one toddles in during sex then you wont burn the house down if the candle falls over.But hey i cant see why your worried at all..2 rapid pregnancies and still having sex ..and hubby still loves you..What happened to sleepless nights and deserting partners and houses being foreclosed, not too mention all other things that keep a romantic couple from being romantic?No, i think youre having far too much sex indeed and before you know it there will be the patter of tiny feet again.If you really have to worry why not use coco butter on your birth marks as it smells so good, or vaseline if youre broke...Why not make it a reason to pamper yourself "darling ive just got to have a long hot soak in my herb scented jasmine fragrant bath so i can get rid of these marks..would you take out the trash, feed the kids,walk the dog and paint the back off the house while i do that..love ya!!!"I know the marks look like world war three on your stomach to you but they will all shrink down one day and you will have three smiling youngsters by then..unless you are taking birth control..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): Firstly dont beat yourself up thinking you're somehow shallow for letting cosmetic issues get you down, its normal to feel that way. I am in exactly the same situation as you and I felt really down about it for a long time. My stretch marks were absolutely red raw and i hated them. I also had an emergency c section and the bottom of my stomach hangs down a bit and is wrinkly.Your scar shouldn't look bad though, you can hardly see mine so I dont know why yours is. They can tidy that up though by stitching it back more neatly. After my first section you could see the scar but after the second they stitched it back up more neatly.Apparently it takes about two years for your body to get over a c section, that was what I was told and with my body i did notice the stretch marks fade away after that time. I hardly notice them anymore and if I had a bikini on you can barely see them even though they were terrible before.Trust me over time you will adjust to them and they end up not being in your mind anymore. My boyfriend doesn't care about them, he likes my body and I have never ever had any negative comments about it. Older men are used to being with women who have had babies and although your sister and friend are fine I know loads and loads of women who look just like I do.If they do bother you that much a spray tan does the world of good! I loved having a spray tan it made them look loads better. If you are conscious during sex wear some nice lingerie, I love wearing Basques and corsets, you can get lots of really nice things that cover the parts you dont like so much. I bet your husband would like that too!Exercise is good too, after I started going to the gym and got my body fat lower I felt so much more confident. My stomach at the bottom doesn't hang so much, still there, but not as noticeable.Trust me when I say you will feel confident again, it just takes a bit of time. Look after your body with exercise and take care of your appearance and be confident in bed. Men like confidence.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (18 November 2015):
 Sorry to hear you got a bad scar after your Caesarean. That shouldn't be necessarily so. I'm sure you can get this tidied up. I think the hospital or clinic you attended ought to take this on freely, or at least refer you to someone who can. They surely wouldn't want people to know they have made a hash of it. The US is so litigious I think your gynaecologist should jump at the chance to put it right.
As for the stretch marks my wife used vitamin E oil (you can break open capsules which are cheaper than bottled vit E). I think they helped.
You are probably going to need to do a few exercises when your body is ready. I'm not qualified to tell you what those should be, but I'm sure you can find that kind of help yourself.
Finally, your husband loves you and not just your belly. Be happy about that. He sounds like a good man.
...............................
|
