A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today I had a serious talk with my boyfriend of two years. He wants to break up. I don't. He's not sure himself. I want to try to make this work, win him over.The situation is a little bit weird. Our relationship was nothing short of a fairytale the last year. We're planning to move in, we were talking about a family together... Before that there was a small problem with him falling in love with a friend. Since he wanted to stay with me, I was supportive and he came around. Or so we both thought. He didn't see her for a year. Two days ago he called her. We've seen each other right before that, another several perfect days. We went to buy an expensive sex toy :D. Sure, as far as future plans together go, this is a bit... out there, but it's not like he'd want to invest into something like this and break up days later... I encouraged him to contact her, they were good friends before that and it's a pity to have to avoid someone you were so close with. We both thought our relationship is strong enough for this not to be the slightest problem.They talked. And he realized he's still in love with her, apparently at a deeper level than with me. He told me how she makes him feel - and there I thought I was the one who makes him feel like this - apparently not so wholly as she does... He has no plan of being with her and I honestly think they won't get together, but he feels it's dishonest to me and to himself to stay in this relationship. That he can't be with me and love anotherDespite being hurt, I want to fight for him. I don't want this relationship end and I don't think he has to be dishonest to continue with it, he just needs to get on top of things a bit... He does love me, he's certain of that, this can be built on, I just need to convince him I'm worth it without becoming a doormat in the process.I don't know what to do. I'm just so confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): I'm going through a similar situation myself, but there's no other woman so I understand how horrible it is. What I would say is don't contact him for a few weeks, so you both have time to reflect on the situation.
It'll be a kill or cure, and you need time to get the anger out about him saying that to you. You may not feel angry now, but you will. It's going to do no good if you go back into the relationship feeling anger towards him.
So cut contact with him for a few weeks, and then see how you both feel. I really hope everything works out for you.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (18 November 2015):
 In this situation you have to do the opposite of what you think. You can't make up his mind for him. All you can do is take away what you have been giving him: your love; your support; your friendship; possibly household tasks you do for him. In this way hopefully he comes to see the true value of what you bring to the relationship. He must come to this knowledge himself.
This situation is age old. One partner can't make up his mind. He has to learn he can't have you both - not unless you are prepared to be a subservient second best for the rest of your time together. I don't think that is a good outcome.
If you feel really strong then tell the other woman to butt out. Cat fights aren't pretty but she ought to know that she is getting in the way of your happiness and she should stand down, cut all ties and leave him alone.
Be strong and believe in yourself.
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