A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What can I do if I have lost that love and feeling for my wife. I feel I am not in love anymore. We have done the getaway trips, I have done everything to please her in anyway and she's done the same but I just don't feel it but I don't want to give up prematurely on us and our family. I had a casual sometimes very intimate affair of over a year and its been over now for 3 months but i can't forget this other person. I know I am in love with her, i feel great with her and shes wonderful. but i am trying to move forward with my wife and makes things work. I have been married for over 10 years and I have a 7 year old son. Family is extremely important to me and my son is #1 in my heart and mind. His happiness comes first. I need any thoughts that can help me. I am so lost and confused as to what to do. Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Don't rekindle the affair or start a new one.That would start another round of a vicious circle. Such relationships fail.
You need an in depth look at your marriage with professional help. Experts point out that it is unreasonable to equate a relationship based on romantic love with a real life relationship.
What happens when the buzz wears off? A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, pal. You will not have the emotional energy to rekindle marital love until you deal with your feelings for the other. It's a bugger I know. I've been there.
If you must leave her, part and start afresh. Can the new girl trust a cheater?
You and your wife have hard work to do. There is no other way.
I wish you both the best.
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Sometimes if you love someone you let them go. After 10 years together and what sounds like lots of 'trying' to making it work...there may come the time when you need to accept things for what they are and work together on seperating in a way that will be least harmful to your child.
I need to comment on the affair - as much as you write about "trying" hard to make things work with your wife, it is my opinion that that is just IMPOSSIBLE when there is a third person involved....despite your on/off, fling vs intimacy, stuff....you have not been there with your wife comepletely for a year (at least). You have not given the two of you the chance to work if you have been thinking about, falling for, making love to another person...I'm sorry but that is the reality. The two things are not seperate...and you cannot resolve your feelings for your wife/marriage if you are having an affair. You are one man, even if you have been leading two lives!
Does your wife know about this other person?
I think you are wanting permission to leave...noone can give that. But - maybe that is the decent thing to do now? I can see you don;t want to hurt anyone and that you care deeply for your child, and even your wife to some degree...but at the end of the day none of you will be happy if things stay the same. So - given you don;t think there is anything left to try re reconciling w your wife...you probably should think about how to broach ending things - and then together work out how to help your son cope. You need to have an honest discussion with your wife. She isn;t stupid - it won;t be totally out if the blue.
There are lots of agencies etc set up to help families deal w seperation and divorce - why don't you get some advice..do things the best you can in difficult circumstances.
Good luck to you and your family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I suggest you take stock of your life; what do you want, what makes you happy; what and where do you see yourself in the future, short term and long term;
look at yourself in the mirror and speak to yourself, ask yourself these questions;
what went wrong in your relationship between you and your wife?
if you could change anything what will it be/
If ultimately you cannot see a future for the two fo you, why hang on? Make your life, and her life miserable?
Take stock, not to go to your "girlfriend", let that be, but to be happy, to have your wife happy, and ultimately your child.
Staying togehter for the childs sake is not working....you and your wife can either make it work, or find other partners and be happy.
I urge you....take stock!
Good luck!
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