A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Thanks very much for taking the time to read this. I've been struggling with my conflicting feelings about my relationship, and as time goes on and I grow more and more attached to my boyfriend, my feelings just conflict more and more.I used to be able to completely and hopelessly fall for guys (even if they weren't good to me or right for me), but after many bad relationships, I have sort of "hardened" and become numb to the point where I no longer feel strong feelings for any guys anymore, or even those "butterflies" you're supposed to feel when you like a guy. I think this started after a guy I was with when I was 15, who pressured (and at times, even forced) me into sex whenever he wanted it (but he told me he loved me and I believed it), and eventually cheated on me, not once but with two girls. I didn't get help for it, I didn't tell any of my friends because I was afraid everyone at school would call me a "s***", and I didn't tell my parents because I knew they'd be very disappointed in me for doing things like that at such a young age. To this day, hardly anyone knows about it. I regret ever meeting that guy and I don't know why I even let those things happen to me. But while I feel like I have moved on from that, my current feelings and situation make me wonder if I have truly healed from it or if I will EVER heal from it. Then add another boyfriend who I completely fell for who one day told me he didn't love me anymore and immediately started dating another girl, and now I spend more time looking out for myself than falling in love with any guy. So now, whenever I get into a relationship, I don't really fall for my partner.Instead, I think of it as just a pleasant companionship sort of thing, where I don't really care if I lose him or not. A guy might fall in love with me but I'm just not capable of falling the same way because I'd rather just look out for myself. After all, he will inevitably end up losing interest, fall in love with someone else, etc. With all the ways it could go wrong, I'd rather be safe than sorry.So when I started dating my current boyfriend, I had that usual distant approach towards him. He fell in love with me, hard, and wants a future with me, treats me like gold, is trustworthy and consistent, and he treats me better than any other guy has so far. At first I just enjoyed the attention and time we spent together but honestly wasn't in love with him and didn't feel "butterflies" (but that's pretty normal for me). But the more time we spend together I actually find myself getting a bit attached, and every now and then I get these loving feelings towards him and it freaks me out so much I have to be alone and cry and panic for a while until I calm down. He doesn't understand why I do this and honestly I don't really understand it either. And as time goes by, it keeps happening more and more often. How can I handle this? And what's going on?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 You got hurt at such a tender age that what you have done is you have built up a barrier. You are inside this barrier and you will not let anybody in to it, as at least then you know you are safe from getting hurt. Nobody can hurt you if you do not let them in. However the more time that you spend with your boyfriend sometimes that barrier slips down and on occasions you let him in and this scares you because you then know that you could get hurt and then you panic. This is normal behavior for someone who has had issues in there past. It is very common and you can get help for it.
You have completed the first step by asking for help, well done as this is a big thing. You know yourself that you cannot live your life like this never being fully happy. It is unfair to both you and your boyfriend. As it is effecting you both.
I think you should book to see a counselor. Yes I know it is scary and daunting but I think you just need a few sessions in order to help you over come your past and enjoy your future. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Trustissues  +, writes (18 July 2014):
You are falling in love again and you are afraid its happening again
Future is born out the past in the casket
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (18 July 2014):
 maybe hes honestly a good guy...there are a few out there. have you tried talking to him about your past? it might help
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