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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I hate myself. I don't know, I can't think of anything good about me. I'm ugly, boring, bitter... I just can't think of anything good... it particularly upsets me that I was born ugly and boring. I feel like everyone else is better than me. I don't have many friends, gee, I don't have close friends to hang out with at all. So I'm usually alone. I have my boyfriend, but he has his friends, he has his life. I feel like crap about myself. I've tried counselling - did no good. I just hate myself and sometimes I wish I was numb so I wouldn't feel so pathetic and stupid. I'm never told I'm beautiful, people don't talk to me, I don't do that well in college, I feel disconnected from my family, etc. I want to be adored, but everyone else is better than me.What can I do? I can't seem to find happiness within me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Are we twins? I often feel exactly the same.
I used to feel like that all of the time, very intensely. The self-hatred was very powerful. It's awful, isn't it? You ARE you, you have to live with yourself all of the time. So if you feel bad about yourself, it is so difficult to function.
I understand what you mean about counselling not helping. I found that the hardest thing I have had to deal with is my dislike of myself. I also agree that it can be hard to think of anything good about yourself. You struggle with it. But you can easily think of bad things, can't you?
One thing that helps me a bit is to pretend to be a different person. Instead of thinking that you are ugly, boring, etc, pretend that you are an attractive, interesting, confident person. And act like it. You could even imagine that you are putting a disguise on, an outfit of who you would like to be. After a while, it starts to come more naturally, and it feels more real.
Also, instead of trying to think of positive qualities within you, try making a note of everything you do each day that is useful or helpful. However small. Like, you opened the door for somebody. You did a favour for someone. You gave some change to someone for the bus. Little things like that. It can help you to feel a sense of worth, of being useful.
Try also to reach out to people more. You say that people don't talk to you, and you feel disconnected from your family. Try and spend more time with your family. Try and start little conversations with strangers, like when you are in a queue, or waiting for the bus. Even just smile at someone, or say "good morning". I don't know why, but it helps me, it makes me feel more connected with the world, more a part of it.
But if these feelings persist, or get worse, then maybe you should see your doctor about it, because you could be a little bit depressed. That will affect how you feel about yourself.
I hope something here helps, and I hope you are able to learn to feel more at peace with yourself. x
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (29 June 2009):
It seems to me that you're your own worst critic. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways, not just what's on the outside. If you don't like the way you look, trust me there is something you can do about it. And no, it doesn't involve cosmetic surgery. If you feel bad about yoruself you're going to look bad. When I feel like shit, I look like shit. What's on the outside is an interpretation of ourselves. Therefore, you need to dig deep and find within what is good about you and lift your self esteem.
Consider doing something like a pros and cons list, but with good qualities and bad qualities of yourself. Once you have that figured out, look at what you think are bad qualities and try to improve, and embrace the good qualities that you do have. We all have good qualities and bad qualities (writing this, I'm considering practicing what I preach haha)and nobody is perfect. There are tons of self-help books and self-improvement guides in bookstores--give them a shot.
I highly doubt that you're any of the above, but something made you have a VERY low self image. I've known plenty of people who weren't "good looking" but had tons of friends and were very popular. It was because of their personality and the way they presented themselves.
And most people probably consider themselves "boring," I consider myself boring, but that's because I try to live a drama-free lifestyle. I don't stray too much out of my normal routines, but there are people that think what I do is "interesting" but that's because not everyone is alike. If you can try to talk to people and find people with common interests, whether it be sense of humor, music, values, morals, clothing, etc., you're bound to make friends that way. Just open up a little and stay true to yourself. Don't be fake, but stay positive. Once you find happiness within yourself, it shows and others will see it. I promise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): http://members.optusnet.com.au/~acceptance/ACourseInHappiness%20-%20Sabine/HappinessCover.htm
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