A
female
age
36-40,
*ilz
writes:Hi everyoneI've now found myself in this awkward predicament, please give me some advice.Three months ago I made a huge mistake. I cheated on my now ex-boyfriend with our mutual male best friend. The friend and I have always had a close relationship as we went to University together and we met before I met my BF. Despite this he was friends with my ex before he knew me. But the three of grew close and have been best friends since we all started hanging out.I had been with my ex for five years and for the last two years our friend has been overseas. I had been thinking about ending my relationship with my ex for a while and a few of my close friends (including our mutual friend) knew we were going to break up soon. Our mutual friend also returned to our town to live for good at the end of last year.My ex and I decided to have some time away from each other over new years and while he was away I had a party at my house.My mutual friend got really drunk and after everyone had left I went to my room to find him in my bed. One thing lead to another and I ended up giving in to his advances and sleeping with him.I knew that if I could do that to my ex then I obviously didn't love him so I broke up with him 5 days later.The mutual friend and I have always had a deeper connection based on intellectual matters etc (we are both doing our masters) and he actually made a move on me before the ex, but I chose my ex over our friend.Since I slept with our friend, I have tried to stay away from him out of respect for my ex. We still chat on FB and out at parties but I try to maintain a friendly distance.It's been three months since the incident and I still can't stop thinking about our mutual friend. I think about him every day (more than my ex) and I am beginning to get worried that I am developing feelings for him. I don't know what to do. Do I just ignore these feelings and keep carrying on? Do I confront my friend about what happened (we haven't actually discussed the fact that we slept together apart from agreeing that my ex can never find out)? I'm going crazy and would really appreciate a fresh perspective. Thanks!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Your friend does not have your best interests in heart. He saw that you were vulnerable for affections. He took advantage of that and you gave in. He would not be a good boyfriend material but I wouldn't even want to be his FWB. You can have feelings for anyone but don't act on them especially when they are people who are associated with your ex. There's always the tension that one of your friends would tell your ex, compare stories and talk amongst each other. I can think of nothing else but date outside of your circle for a fresh perspective.
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