A
female
age
36-40,
*itchy
writes:I've been with my "boyfriend" for four years. We're not married, but no less serious. We have two wonderful children. He works construction seven days a week and I am a nurse. We don't see each other as often as I'd like, but I try to put myself into his day as much as I can. Sometimes I meet him at the job site so that we can chat while he has lunch. I pack him lunch every day and make sure he has a hot home-cooked breakfast to take along. We have dinner together 2-3 times a week due to his work. I usually just eat with the kids if he's not home by 6. Other than his job he has no responsibilities. I take care of the house, the car, the lawn, etc. He goes to work for us every day and the 200 I get for bills every week is greatly appreciated. He's pretty traditional when it comes to gender roles and he has never cooked, cleaned, or done a load of laundry. This is not a problem, as I'm very domestic.So after all that background here's my question. How do I get him to appriciate me a little more. I work hard every day, then come home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids. Just once I'd like to hear a "thanks" or "lunch was good" or "the lawn looks nice". Something! His co-workers tell their wives that I'm a fool and that he doesn't deserve to be "waited on" by someone he puts down on a regular basis. I've been hearing this for about 9 months and from about 6 different people. It hurts to never get aknowleged for the things you do. This is not totally out of the blue, this feeling, mother's day has come and gone with not one gift or "happy mother's day", he did call his mother however. Birthdays, x-mas, etc. he's never gotten me a gift or taken me out or anything. I just rankles a bit. So what can I do to get some credit for all my hard work, love and support?
View related questions:
co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Witchy +, writes (17 May 2010):
Witchy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I didn't want to tell him I want complements, it sounds so crass! So instead I said that we should spend more time together. My mom came from out of state and took the kids for the weekend and he stayed home. It was just us and bitterblue was right we just don't know how to BE anymore. Friday was a complete nightmare. We kind of rubbed each other the wrong way, but Saturday we slept in and woke up so happy! We worked in the garden and went out for dinner (his suggestion) during which he told me that I deserved a break from dinner since I work so hard! I nearly cried. Needless to say I had a wonderful weekend. We've worked it out that every other week he stays home on Saturday and Sunday. Maybe I just miss him, after all how can you tell someone how much you appreciate them if you're never home. Riv, the truth is he deffinitly works for me, thanks you guys, the feedback was wonderful.
A
male
reader, riv +, writes (15 May 2010):
Well presumably he was like this before you decided to have children with him ?
So you knew what he was like.
He does sound a bit unreconstructed but maybe in principle that works for you - you are getting great animal type sex right with a male smelling of cement and sweat ? well that's something not all women get ! Is the sex loving ? does he whisper sweet nothings and look as if he means it before the orgasm takes over ?
Ignore totally the fact that he doesn't express his thanks for what you do in the house - that's just not his way and you cannot change it. He probably does appreciate it though - otherwise he would have left you by now. DON'T nag him to come out with compliments like that - if he manages it it will be totally false and will just put him under strain which could ultimately end the relationship.
Work with the grain of what you have : my suggestion would be he needs to work fewer days - how can anyone keep up a routine of 7 days a work construction work ? I have rarely seen building sites in action on Sundays for that matter.
I would be asking him to ease off the work on weekends so you can spend more time together. Is he good with the children ? If he is then all the more reason to spend more time together.
And if you're both working surely he does not need to do 7 days for financial reasons ?
This is the area to work on - getting one or preferably two days together each week - leisurely brunches / visits to the park with the children - that kind of thing. A nice dinner with a decent bottle of wine ( beer for him probably ) needn't cost very much !!
...............................
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 I think it's lovely how you care for him, prepare him breakfast for the road and the rest of the things you do. You seem a caring wife. But with how the situation is playing out, you might eventually stop doing that or start doing it out of duty. It's important to avoid reaching such a phase, because you obviously like being caring and he would probably miss the attentions if they stopped.Talk to him about it, so he realises how you are feeling. Do you love each other, like each other's company? Or have already fallen into a routine with nothing novel and rousing to look forward to for the next day? Talk about all these. Tell him how you appreciate what he does and try your best to be a good wife, so that he is happy and your marriage is a loving support you can rest upon, a safe heaven after a tiring day, etc. But you would like to know if he also appreciates what you do and for him to express it more often, in whichever way he feels more comfortable. This would make you very happy and that you are well inspired in what you are doing and how you are treating him and nursing this relationship. Hence a little acknowledgement and care, a little thank you once in a while are very welcome, a small gesture/gift for your efforts, an attention and even a redirection if you have missed something.How do you make him feel good about himself and what does he do to achieve the same purpose when it comes to you. It will make a good topic for conversation.Tip: A matter of how often you complain (both of you). Complaining can be very addictive and might cancel part of the benefits of a kind gesture. It can hurt a relationship and get in the way of what you are so rightfully looking for, because it's very well that you realised you need a little encouragement to continue being a good wife. We all do. Also see what can be done about spending more time together and make it quality time, maybe send the kids over to their grans for a week, etc. All the best.
...............................
|
