A
male
age
36-40,
*eadhead
writes:I am having a really hard time. I'm 22 and in college my girlfriend and I have been dating for over 4 and a half years. In that time we have been best friends and gone through a lot together. But the problem is there is this guy. She told me along time ago she use to like him. Now she just wants to be his friend. Over the past months they started talking again and we broke up for a short period of time, the whole time she promised me she just wanted him as a friend. Although I knew he wanted more. It bothered me so much that they were talking. And she told me that he flatters and listens to her. So we got back together and have been back together for about two months. She left about a month ago for Africa and won't be back for another 3 months. Once we got back together I told her I didn't like the idea of her hanging out with the other guy. Before she left she told me her leaving is the perfect opportunity for there friendship to slowly vanish. I trusted her, then I found out she was still trying to keep there friendship alive. After I saw this my heart was broken, I felt as if she wants him and not me. I have been obsessing about it to the point where, I am taking away from her African experience, and I can tell her patience is growing thin. Along with taking away from her African experience, I can't eat, I get the shakes, my stomach always hurts, and all I want to do is call her, but I know I have been calling to much. I just can't stop thinking about it. I want to believe that she only wants a friend in him, but I just don't know. I told her it was time to decide whether she wants a friendship with him or to keep our relationship. After the fact, I felt like this might have been pushing her away from me. She angrily told me she would stop talking to him, but she doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I can tell she still loves me because we have been planning all of these amazing trips for when she gets back. She says she gets angry with me because she does only want a friend in him. But my body and gut tell me a different story. She just told me she doesn't know if she wants a boyfriend right now because she feels emotionally drained, and can't give me what I want. Probably because I'm so depressed about the situation and I'm scared to lose her to this other guy, so I always try to sneak in the question if shes talked to him. But she tells me no and gets angry. I just don't know why she won't give up her friendship with this other guy. Then she tells me she is excited to come home and be with me and see where it goes. Is it wrong of me to obsess over this situation? I have never felt so alone. I'm feeling like shes everything to me, and I won't be happy with out her. Then I feel like I'm jumping to conclusions thinking I don't have her. I feel like we have broken up. I have never been an insecure person. I have always had a lot of friends and it seems like I've always had her in my life, and have been happy with that. She is so beautiful and amazing that I don't even look at other girls. I don't think that I could ever find someone as amazing as her. I know she loves me I just don't want her to start having more than friend feelings with this other guy. I bothered her so much about it the other day she said I was being possessive. I just don't know what to do, I have never felt so lost and insecure in my life. I need some suggestions, because all I want is to make her happy and be the perfect boyfriend and someday perfect husband.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Her patience is growing "thin" right? If you make a big deal out of this you seem too jealous & you will lose her. So if you can't help yourself from doing that just get out. If your going to spend the whole relationship being worried about some other guy then it's not good for either one of you. It's a waste of time to be with someone you're worried about talkin to someone else. It IS possible that she see's this guy as "just a friend." Trust her on that or get out NOW before you go through alot of drama
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): Well, if there's no indication that she wants this guy as something other than a friend then you should not worry about it (or not show it to her). Be nice to her when she returns. Whenever you return from a trip you change a little. Try to see the good things and show her how much you want to be with her. Don't mention this guy right away. Focus on you and her, on the future you want. If this guy comes up in conversation try not to look upset. Just move along and talk about more important things.
I'm sure you're a good boyfriend, from whay you state in your last paragraph.
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