A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a good friend (We'll call him John - not his real name!) who I have known since college. We've always got on well, and we still see each other on a regular basis and until recently I've always enjoyed us spending time together.The thing is, John has another friend (We'll call him Steve) with whom he has also spent a lot of time in the past few years - I suspect there may be some element of romantic relationship there (both are bisexual.)Now I'm afraid, despite my best efforts, I really do not like Steve. He's annoying, obnoxious and arrogant. He always has to dominate any conversation and push his own opinion, regardless of whether it rubs people up the wrong way. Frankly I would be embarrassed to introduce him to any of my other friends. The thing is John and Steve now seem to always come as a pair - I can't meet up with John, without Steve coming along too - I'm starting to miss my nice quiet drinks with John, which have now been replaced by tedious sessions of listening to Steve talk about himself! Trust me, I have tried to see what John sees in Steve, I've tried to get on with him, and I am always civil and tolerant - but it's getting to the point where I'm actually making excuses not to go out with a good friend.In a few weeks it's my birthday, I want to celebrate by inviting all my friends out for a meal, I can't even contemplate not inviting John as one of the group, but I know that an invitation to John will be seen as an invitation to Steve as well, unless I specifically exclude him, which would seem rude, and would really hurt John's feelings too. Even inviting both and then trying to ignore Steve won't work, because he has to dominate any group he's part of. Most of my friends are naturally quiet , inobtrusive people who would be totally uncomfortable around Steve - I'm sure it would ruin the evening for everyone.What can I do about this dilemma without alienating any of my friends? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 There's no way to please everyone in this situation. John and Steve are joined at the hip. If John really treasures your friendship, he will on occasion agree to see you without Steve, but at a minimum Steve's nose will be out of joint, and John will likely have some resentment as well. Personally, if Steve is really that obnoxious, I'd cool my friendship with John.
My brother took up with a woman who sounds a bit like Steve. She used to insist on absolute honesty. So when my mother told her that quite honestly she was boring and dominating, she said thank you for your honesty and promptly forbid my brother to see the family. That was 25 years ago, and the estrangement continues.
A
female
reader, AuntieSnap +, writes (8 November 2010):
Hi there,
Just tell John you are inviting a limited group of very special, very good friends to this birthday meal one of which is him and that unfortunately in this instance does not include Steve this time. Tell him you have given a great deal of thought about who to choose and let him know that there will be other events that Steve may be able to attend. Let him know that in the current climate you just can't afford to take everyone that you'd like. It is your night and you should be able to invite who you like. Word of advice - pick John up in a taxi at the very last minute and keep the venue a under wraps until the last minute lest you get a nasty Slimy Stevie surprise waiting at your table.
Hope this helps and I hope you have a great party.
Cheers Doll.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 well im afraid you have to tell john that you dont want steve there, there is no other option here unless you can put up with steve at your party so am afraid you have to make a choice here, either tolerate him or else tell john that you would rather he come on his own, try not to be rude just be honest with him and tell him since steve as come along you feel like you dont get enough time with him on his own and you would really like some quality time with him.
...............................
|
