A
male
age
41-50,
*olondausztral
writes:My wife and I have been married just over a month now and the "honeymoon period" as it were, didn't even last through the honeymoon.We had sex on the wedding night, which by mutual agreement was fantastic. However on our honeymoon, which lasted over a fortnight we had sex a grand total of 4 times.My wife has had multiple sexual partners before me, however I had never been in a relationship prior to meeting her. Prior to getting married we didn't exactly have a... frequent sex life (sometimes it would be more than 2months between goes) and it concerned me, but since getting married it concerns me more. I know, intellectually that sex doesn't equal love, but I do feel that if she loved me then surely she'd want to have sex with me more often.I don't think it's unreasonable to sex more than (average) once a month.When I've asked her about this in the past she's either tried to brush it off, or blame it on diet (which I see as a dig at me as I do the cooking/catering. Our diet isn't fantastic, but there's plenty of vegetables and meats with a good mix of different take-aways for convenience) etc, etc. She says that she'll see a dietician but hasn't.Has anyone out there experienced this or got any advice?Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): something is wrong. you need to ask her why she doesn't want to have sex with you. the diet excuse is just that- an excuse. you are in your very early 20's. if you are not getting it now, soon it will frizzle out to nothing so addressing the issues upfront is of utmost important.and no, expecting sex more than once a month is not abnormal.i am in my 18th year of marriage, if i don't get it minimum 3/4 times a week, i am highly annoyed/frustrated. i believe that sex and intimacy is one of the most private bonding moments between partners. sex bonds couples together. and tell her this. seems as though the wife is playing games with you. you life is not a game and she should not demean it. please find out the real reason she doesn't want sex. and tell her if it coninues then its over.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 August 2009):
You didn't have a frequent sex life before marriage, why should it change now???
She just may not be into sex as much as you are. Some people just don't have a high sex drive.
Romance her and find nice ways to get into the mood, never just wait till you are in bed and then roll over and start making advances.
But all in all, if you rush into marriage with a girl who's sex drive is not as high as yours, then you are going to end up with a wife who will turn you down when you want her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 maybe she wasnt ready for marriage you need to talk to her shes your wife time for games is over if she doesnt want to be married you need to kno now
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 August 2009):
 I'd recommend trying new things. Ask her, if you were to spice up your sex life, what would she want. People love having sex, but they dread talking about what they might want from their partner. Being silent leads to these ruts where she might be thinking, "if he'd only", and that's what you want to find out.
Sex doesn't equal love, but it can be an addition to the love and intimacy shared in your marriage. If it is the diet, tell her you'll set the appointment and go together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): I think you should talk to her the diet thing is not the cause -- it will be something else. maybe her, maybe you, maybe both!
is it solvable - yes. but don't worry about it.
so talk to her and find out what she likes. if its sitting holding hands do it. Relax with her and enjoy. find out what she likes sexually, maybe teach you how to do things to please her, but the best thing is talk!
star.x.
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