A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so frustrated with my husband! We have been married ten years but together for 15. I thought things were really good we have a child both have good jobs and holidays. Right now we are on a family holiday. My husband keeps bringing a girl up from his work, any excuse to talk about her! His attention should be on me and his child shouldn't it? We are on holiday. He talks about her at home but I wrote that off, he works with her everyday. Then today I go to use his laptop to view things to do here, and the girls facebook was on the screen! He isn't even friends with her on Facebook! So clearly this is an infaution he has. The girl is 20s very pretty so I'm not daft most men would want her. He is my husband and can't bare to pull himself away from looking at her or talking about her. Nothing has happened as far as I know. I guess he wants to though! What on earth do I do?? Right now I want to pack and boycott this holiday!!
View related questions:
facebook, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2015): I love the idea that you invite her over and show her photos of your husband looking less than flattering. I get the feeling your husband is having a typical mid life crisis? He needs a reality check.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): To the female reader anonymous who was in a similar situation: I remember reading your post about your husband's infatuation with this woman with five children and I am so glad that she found a boyfriend!
To be honest, I'd be inclined to get onto facebook, enlarge and print out a picture of this woman, have it framed really nicely and put it in a prominent position in your home. Without saying anything. When and if he dares to ask about it, just say, "Oh, she's such a nice looking woman I thought you might like a photo of her to look at whilst you talk about her to me".
That OR find a picture of the hunkiest man you can and do the same - frame it, stick it on the wall and if he freaks out, just say that you don't see the problem.
Okay, a tad childish maybe. But I somehow think it might get the message across that your man is crossing family and relationshp boundaries by talking endlessly about this woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2015): I have had this same problem myself and I have posted on DC for some help.For the "past 3 years" I have listened to my husband talk about a newly divorced female coworker that is young and attractive and works in the same department as him. My husband is her boss too.Clearly, he was infatuated with her. He brought her up to me several times a month and when we were on vacation too. How could anyone divorce a beautiful woman like that. He wanted to be her knight in shining armor and give her an extra table of ours because she bidded on one at work. He gave her a recipe of mine because she has sooo many children to feed. She has 5 children. He hugged her a foot in front of me at a company event, because she was struggling with her divorce and the kids not wanting to contact her. My husband had the same problem with his kids so he could "sympathize" with her. It was humiliating for me at the event.I hoped and prayed that she would get a boyfriend. She did and she moved in with him! The boyfriend works in the same department as my husband and he is 14 years older than her. My husband made the remark "The boyfriend is even older than me!" NOW there is no mention of her. But, I do wonder if there will be "another" infatuation at his work or somewhere else now that this girl got taken.It can be a never ending cycle.Know that you are not alone in this. Getting older is harder too on us women. There will always be younger, prettier girls out there.Plus your husband is entering middle age and probably wants to know that he still has got it. Hence the looking at younger woman to make him feel younger too.Take the aunties and uncles advice here. The advice is good. I would be direct and lay it on line as Garbo has suggested. That is probably the only way a guy will get it. It is something I wish I had done instead of steaming in my own stew all this time because I was ready to pack my bags and move out and find someone who would appreciate me instead of looking over my shoulder at other females.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2015): Oh dear. Is this woman half his age? Is he old enough to be her Dad? OK you could start going on about some young guy (make one up if you don't know any) and say he always works out, is a personal trainer you are thinking of booking some sessions with him, that he is really kind and clever. Keep chipping away see how he feels. He must think he has a chance with this chick. Failing that ask her round for dinner and show her the holiday snaps.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (9 April 2015):
 I'm sure he would flip if on your laptop, cellphone and everywhere some guy keeps popping up. He maybe borderline in an emotional affair with that girl, but for sure he fancies himself into one. The reason why he is open about her, I think, is his coping mechanism to say that look, I'm not cheating on you, but deep inside his heart, he is, you know and so do we. Being a guy myself, I thought for a moment, what sort of an approach by my woman would be the most effective way to yank me out of the infatuation hypnosis, given that few were presented here. Insinuation would absolutely not work because I may not get her insinuation and Sherrie thing could precipitate an argument because I don't think I'm so stupid not to understand what you are trying to say in not so sarcastic, under the skin ways. That means, at least for me and I think I'm a typical dude, a blunt, matter of fact, bottom line approach works best: you lay out the problem, and most importantly, show me a solution that would make you happy. Then you leave it to me to make it happen. IDK what type of guy your man is but if he is one of those stubborn dudes who will negate the obvious, then focus on the solution as in "nobody cares if you are infatuated as long as you do this and this otherwise that and that". So I don't think anyone here can guess what approach works on your man but as a guy myself bluntness with clear implication as to what it entails works best. As an aside though, I'd suggest you examine a little closer why your man is infatuated with that girl as in which flirtatious ways does she have that hooked him, then use those on him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 April 2015):
 Thinking on this further, I would find a quiet time with him. I would work up all my nerve. I would take his hand in mine. I would ask him to look at me and listen because I had something I needed to say.
I would then look deep into his eyes and tell him that I need a break from his infatuation with Sherrie. I am on holiday with him, not with him and Sherrie.
Sherrie is obviously very important to him. I want to know, am I important to him? Because right now, I am feeling like I am not.
I will give you some time to think about that. I will be on the beach in the moonlight, hoping that the husband I love will come and find me and remind me why we fell in love....
And then blow his socks off when he shows up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (9 April 2015):
His behaviour is unacceptable. He should not be infatuated with anyone! He needs to take his responsibility as a husband and father seriously. He's behaving like a love sick teenager.
Put your foot down with him! Tell him to his face to grow up and focus on what's actually going on around him not online or in his head. I wonder if this girl knows he's infatuated with her? Mmmm...possibly more to it than meets the eye but you need to nip it in the bud.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 April 2015):
 Tell him you need quality family time and by that it means it's the family against the world. Like there's only three of you and that's all you need. You want his mind, and body present with you. Your husband may not be fully aware that he has an infatuation with her. If he did he would know he's hurting you. If you suggest that's what he's feeling he would deny it. Express that you wish he thinks about you the way he thinks about her now. You wish he looks at you like the first time he ever looks at you, 15 years ago. That's how you feel important. Suggest something to do that's romantic for the two of you, after the child sleeps. You could sit with him face to face and renew vows, express how special you are to each other and tell him that he's the only guy on your mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 April 2015):
I might go over the top and bring her up again and again, but in the kindest way. "Oh look, wouldn't Sherrie love this? She seems like a real lover of kittens based on the facebook page I saw on your laptop. I think we should shop for Sherrie, shall we get her some jewelry or candy? Sherrie seems like a very nice person, I'm going to add her to my facebook so I can get to know her better. Gosh, you do spend a lot of time talking about Sherrie, I know she's your work wife but I'm your real wife and I would like to have a day off from Sherrie, thank you."
Just talk to him. Tell him that he seems to be a bit obsessed and that you can see why, that Sherrie is a beautiful young thing. Also tell him that he will need to get a grip... and then leave him with your child, and you go off and get a spa day.
Then come back here tomorrow and let us know how it went.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2015):
 Have you pointed out how annoying this is? How is "little crush" is making him look? Talk about pathetic behavior, drooling over some 20's something chick, HE WORKS with. How it's ruining the FAMILY vacation?
Honestly, If he doesn't stop this silliness, I would go about my business doing things with the kid and ENJOY your holiday, just pretend he isn't there. Then he can sit and wipe drool off his keyboard.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 April 2015):
Yeah, at least you know that he hasn't touched her since he's not afraid to talk about her.
What I would do is tell him that you're uncomfortable with how often he mentions her and that you saw his Facebook.
Having a crush while married is common and not a big deal if boundaries aren't passed. Remind him if this.
Tell him that doesn't mean hide things that means respect your marriage which, yes, sometimes is difficult.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2015): Sorry but you need to speak to him, tell him what you seen on his laptop I'm sure nothing is going on as if it was he would hide her not tell you all about her.
Tell him this your family time and to leave work for the week or so.
...............................
|
