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female
age
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anonymous
writes:What can I do about my boyfriend's unwillingness to please me?I don't ask my bf to do a lot of things for me but the things I do ask are very important to me. He never has done any of the things I asked him to do. He always makes some lame excuse or uses his social anxiety as an excuse.It finally dawned on me they are just excuses because he is able to do the same things for himself when he wants to do them!Examples:I was flying back to the US to visit and he said he wanted to come with me and I got all excited. I asked him to ask his boss for the two weeks off. He kept making excuses as to why he didn't do it. Said he was afraid to ask, his boss wasn't there most of the day, etc. So finally I just forgot about it and went by myself. I was disappointed as I really wanted him to go with me.Not 2 months later, he is looking for a new place to live and he asked the boss for a week off to look. See he had absolutely no problem asking then!One more example: He has never seen me off or met me at the airport when I would come visit him before I lived here.He always had an excuse. He doesn't drive and it's too far and the bus doesn't go there and he had to work and on and on.He managed to go down to the airport depot and pick up a package for himself though. Figured out how to get there and even walked part of the way! He took off work for minor things like an upset stomach, his sister was moving, and other nonsense too.I said something to him the other day about this and he used his social anxiety as an excuse once again. Sorry but I know it isn't true and it doesn't work on me.What should I say to him next time I ask him to do something and he gives me a lame excuse?Should I say something to him about these other times?How do I ask him about why he is so unwilling to please me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnyone else have any comments on this? Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): "What can I do about my boyfriend's unwillingness to please me?"You can take note of it, realizing that he's displayed a consistent set of behaviors (words and actions) over time: he *doesn't want* to make the effort on your behalf. You are not worth his time, it's too much work.Do you believe you can change him? You can't - he either changes himself, or he doesn't. I see no evidence that he wants to change; what's in it for him?You want to keep this man, why exactly? Given all the other men that would LOVE to make you happy, what's in this relationship - besides the dislike of change that we all have - for you?....
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