A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have had a crush on my best friend D for a few years, a fact he has always accepted and appreciated as benign - he knows me well enough to understand that I am not the sort to manipulate or, for that matter, usurp. In turn, I know he is faithful and committed to his girlfriend; they have been in a relationship since January and have just returned from a holiday together. I had, until this summer, considered them both good friends of mine - I'm sure D knows I would never begrudge them their love. The problem is that while he knows this, his girlfriend T does not. She found out I loved him early on, and at the time seemed supportive and understanding. However, as time went on she began to express concerns about my friendship with D to close friends of mine, who told me later on. They told me after it had escalated into slander so deluded and paranoia so unfounded that nobody believed I would say the things I was alleged to have said. I also heard that she was always concerned about me doing things as innocent as taking a photo of him.She has expressed concern to D, who shrugged it off as the territorial slur that it is, but the issue is still there. She sees me as a threat, or at least thinks me some sort of libidinous demon coming to steal her precious D. More than anything, I am dissappointed with how naïve she has been; making up problems in an otherwise flawless relationship.The pattern here, however, is that she has never confronted me about it, or talked to me about it in any capacity. It has always been relayed via my friends, whom I trust implicitly (this is more than justified, don't worry). I want to assure her I have no agenda, that I would never seek to destroy a relationship and that she has underestimated just how much D loves her. Do I address the situation myself and risk losing at least one friend, or do I let the situation unfold of its own accord and deal with the consequences as they come?If you have read through that prosaic cry for help, I thank you and eagerly await your reply.
View related questions:
best friend, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Personally I would deal with the situation right now. If he thinks anything of your relationship he will know that you wouldnt do anything to hurt him, and that includes saying stupid stuff when he is with this woman.
If it were me, I would rather sit her down and go have a cup of coffee somewhere and make her aware of the situation. Yes you may have feelings for him, but no, your relationship with him means too much to damage with you making a pass at him or anything like that.
I cant see how you would loose a friend if he knows you well enough to know that she is just being jealous.
I have been in the same situation as you before, and trust me the best thing to do is to talk to her and let her know that you are "Friends" despite your feelings for him.
Your friend will probably be more thankful because you are trying to settle her, and make "nice" with her rather than rock the boat! I know when I spoke with my best friends girlfriend, he was more settled and it settled her too knowing that yes, I had feelings for him, but my friendship meant too much to throw away by saying things that would "break them up". Just be honest and open, you'll feel better for it too.
|
