A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've never felt so messed up in all my life. I'm so utterly confused. I've been seeing an amazing guy for 3 months. In such a short space of time, i've never cared for anyone or been so comfortable with anyone in my life. (Previous to this i was in a 2 1/2 year relationship) so i'm aware of how special this one is.I know he feels the same.Everything has been completely perfect. In everyway. I'm sure i love him, but last week i was heavily email flirting with a guy from our office (my boyfriend and i work together) and he 'caught me out.' I can say almost certainly in my own head that i had no alterior motives in this email 'affair' only to get a little attention i guess, and pass the day at work. But i know how wrong it was and yet i persisted.When my boyfriend found out, he was devestated. To an extent which proved to me that he obviously cares alot, and i inturn hate(d) myself for making him feel that way. He said he was leaving, and quite literally i persuaded him to stay and give me a chance to prove how much our relationship means. I know i was so wrong in doing that, but at the same time, it ultimately did bring to light my feelings for him. I can see us being amazing together.Slowly but surely over the past two weeks, we talked alot about our feelings, and i believe he was trying to forgive me and things appeared to be going back to normal. I promised him i would not hurt him again. And in my own self i know how deeply i feel for this man.Today however, turned everything upside down again when i was on the phone with my best friend (who is a boy), and my boyfriend overheard it all. During the conversation my friend said "You've only known him a few months, and sure you've already done the dirt on him twice."My face dropped as i didn't know what to say, my boyfriend heard all this and seen my reaction. I have not cheated on him at all (in terms of physical) and that is what i personally percieve as cheating.The whole thing blew up, and now my boyfriend thinks i have been dishonest this whole time. It's not true, my friend was relating the email affair, but i have definately not cheated on him. He obviously won't believe me, and now i think i've lost him.I can't physically beg him back a second time, when things seem so blatent to him. But i don't want to fall victim to a broken heart for something i honestly haven't done. Despite my dishonesty with the email thing.I'm feeling alot of pain tonight and any words of wisdom would mean alot.Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Sorry for what's happened, I'm sure both of you are in a world of hurt. That being said -Please think how you would feel if your boyfriend had an email conversation like that, hidden from you, with a woman at work. I'm betting you wouldn't feel like it was 'just an email affair' at all, more like "Yikes - if he's keeping this secret, *what ELSE?!? :-((" . Honestly, how would your boyfriend know if these emails were prior to, or *during* an actual affair with co-worker-guy? How would he know?..Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, and you've broken his trust in you. Emotional affairs are equally as bad as physical; one, they can change into physical under the right/wrong circumstances, and two, if you're investing in an emotional affair, what's wrong with your real relationship, he's going to think, "Why am I not enough?!?"Sorry, but you'll need to consider this one of those really painful life lessons on what Not to do in a relationship. Please, reconsider your idea of "no, I didn't" (and remember - you knew how wrong it was, yet you persisted; you already felt like it was more than you said), and don't do this with in your next relationship - with bf or whoever.
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