A
female
age
41-50,
*edheadinKY
writes:I have been married for almost 8 years. After we had been married for about 2 years, I found out I was pregnant. Late into my pregnancy, my husband found out he had a 4 year old son through a short-term relationship. The child had a lot of behavioral issues, and being the maternal person I am, I jumped in to try and help out after going through the roller coaster of emotions. Now, a little over 5 years later, we are still dealing with issues with the child, who is now 9, but the issues have gotten worse over time. He regularly runs away from his mother when they are in stores and he can't get a "prize", consisting of XBox games, toys, etc. He is very defiant and thinks he is in charge, no matter where he is. His mother and step-father set a punishment of no Christmas afer his last time of running away. My husband and I stuck to that, even though it was hard, only to get a call Christmas morning tell us he got a Wii, Wii games, board games, movies, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am talking into a black hole when I talk about this child and the things that surround him. He spent Christmas with us in the morning, with his 3 presents from us, not Santa, only to go home to his mother's to get gobs of presents. Am I wrong for feeling angry right now???The child is on more medication than most geriatrics and has weekly therapy that, as far as I can see, does him no good. He has no sense of cause and effect...he doesn't grasp that there are consequences for actions and really could care less about how he acts. I stress the importance of manners, and he just blows them out of the water. I am starting to see that my 5 year old is picking up some of his behaviors and I don't like it. Would it be wrong of me to insist that the child not be around my son?? I am really at my wits end and don't know what else to do......
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (25 December 2008):
You say he is on medication. Is this for a specific condition like autism? Or are they just trying to dope him up to make him better behaved.
It sounds like he does not know cause and effect because he's never experienced it. He's not getting punished in a consistent way/ at all.
You and the step mum need to get together and agree a set of rules for the kid and set punishments that ALL OF YOU will stick to.
Good Luck!! xx
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