A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a sexless marriage for about 4 years. My wife is a recovering alcoholic which means she has loads of behavior problems.There is no part of our relationship working at the moment. I want us to go to get help but she will not go. Where do I go from here. This disease I would'nt wish it on my worst enemy, the damage it does is almost unrepairable. I will slowly go insane if I can't get some answers to this problem soon.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 I don't have much to offer you as an answer. I lost a good friend to this disease and let me tell you, it stinks. I think you have to decide to make sure that YOU are healthy and only then can you cope with the partner's problem.
If she will not go for help then she is not "recovering", she is still in denial. Sorry, but I'm trying to save you from some more heartache.
At some point, you will realize that you have to take care of yourself and leave her to it. What an awful disease it is. It ruins the minds and spirits of wonderful, lovely, vital people and makes them into imbeciles.
I went to Al-Anon trying to find ways of coping with the situation and the stress. I think you should give it a try and go in with an open mind. http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/
The problem is that if you are the kind of man who wants to fix things, you may have to let go of the notion that love conquers all. It does not. That's the hardest lesson I have had to learn in a while. I wish you good luck as you cope with this.
One more thing, do not do this alone. Find someone you can share this problem with, someone you can vent to. Doing this all in secret by yourself will only cause you more stress and grief. Get support! The Al-Anon folks can help.
Take care.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (18 June 2009):
 If she won't go to counseling go by yourself. A good counselor can help you figure out the next step and see if your marriage is worth saving. I'd also recommend going to Al-Anon if you haven't already. You're in a tough place right now but it will get better.
Good luck.
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