A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would be interested in your views on how you define an ‘easy woman’? I slept with my ex after 2 months together (which I felt was too soon and I think he did too). He said that he didn’t sleep with his ex until 6 months into their relationship (even though she cheated on him, she can’t do anything wrong in his eyes). I’m not sure if he intended me to feel like this, but I then started to feel like I was easy (my self esteem is low). However, whereas I am 31 and have only slept with 2 men (the other I slept with a month into the relationship) and have never cheated on them, his 25 year old ex has slept with more men but waits longer before sleeping with them. However, she ‘overlaps’ boyfriends as well so although she waits longer before sleeping with them, she’ll be cheating on her current boyfriend with the man that becomes her next boyfriend. I kinda resent the possible insinuation (which could be imagined on my part) from my ex that because she waits longer before she sleeps with a man (even though she has had more partners than me and cheats on them which I don’t) she is somehow more ‘pure’. I now feel dirty that I slept with a guy 2 months into our relationship!
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his ex, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, boobooboots +, writes (19 March 2007):
Two months? No way is that cheap. If it was after a couple of hours of meeting him, then that's real cheap.
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (19 March 2007):
 You asked a good question there.
First of all I want to tell you that if you slept with the guy two months into the relationship, it doesn't make you an easy woman. Please don't feel bad about yourself.
Personally I resent how women are labeled into concepts like "easy" or "ice princess". Why doesn't that happen to men? I never heard a guy being referred to as a "total prostitute" just because he had a lot of partners and shallow relationships.
If a person has sex for the fun of it or because they have deep feelings for their partner it doesn't make them easy. If they do it to gain benefits (i.e having sex with the boss to get a raise), that makes them cheap. So if I had to define an "easy" woman it would probably be somebody who dresses like a street girl and behaves as if she should get anything she wants on account of being "hot".
I know finding a good guy is hard, and while looking for mr/miss Right there are bound to be a couple of mr/miss Wrong that you meet during the search so I think it's quite natural to have a couple of partners throughout the years. It doesn't make a person "cheap" or "easy".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): You are a mature woman at least 31 years of age. Most adult relationships where the two people are mature adults there is an expectation that there will be adult consensual sex...men tend to commit more often when there is sex present....I think that there is no "rule" as to how soon you should or should not sleep with a man. Any adult man who would think less of you for having sex with him, is not much of an adult in my opinion....as fair play is fair play for both sexes.
I think for women though, the real question is not so much how easy she is or how soon she will sleep with a guy, I think it is how she behaves after having sex for the first time. I think we women make the mistake of thinking that we can step into the role of girlfriend after one night of passion, when that is all it was meant to be for the time being, we rush in and start expecting a relationship where none has been offered....If we act a bit more cooly and more involved in our own life, and make the man fit into our schedule and work to have access to us, I think the man can relax and let his guard down without the fear of pressure to be something to the woman he is not ready to offer, then he can become attached and fall in love. It is always a gamble when you have sex with someone for the first time..If you want to feel more secure, less easy and you want to make sure that the guy really wants a relationship with you, then withhold sex as long as possible until a solid foundation of trust and respect are built and romance and sex can be something to look forward to, when you feel comfortable and secure and in love, then sex is less of a gamble and more of an expression of those loving feelings that you have developed....either way, there is no guarantee that love will last or even grow, only time and experience will tell if you are both on the same page. There is no reason to feel dirty for having sex with a man that you have known for two months as I am sure it was heart driven, if he made you feel that way, then shame on him, as he was a willing partner too! Also, cheating is never a classy thing to do, and shows a lack of integrity and selfishness for the most part, so if the person who cheats waits longer to initially have sex, this does not make her more pure especially since part of the reason is she is sleeping with someone else while she is waiting, so big deal, she waited with one guy while she shagged another! This kind of reasoning is like the dog chasing it's tail!
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