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female
,
anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 3 months. He goes down on me and I don't feel anything, and when he tries to finger me it hurts. What is going on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2006): it os probably because you have a tight pussy and you need to let him penis fuck you to open you up a little. If it still hirts when he fingers you ask him to use your toung.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): This is most certyainly because you are not relaxed? Or its just not for you.
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A
female
reader, Belle +, writes (11 November 2005):
Often fingering can feel uncomfortable if your not relaxed, and it sounds like that might be the problem.
Take time to get to know each others bodies, and feel relaxed, sometimes it can take months, but you always get there!!
If you tell him how you feel, and ask him not to touch you till you feel ready. It sound like he might be going for the direct approach until waiting until your body is ready.
It is the bodies way of saying I'm not ready for what you are doing, (whether you think you want to or not!) Spend more time kissing and touching around the areas and it should improve
Lots of luck
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A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 Is this the first time you've both tried these things? I'll be honest, it sounds like he's not doing it right, but I'm hesitant to give you step-by-step advice as you haven't said how old you are, or indeed how you feel about doing these things.
Sexual pleasure isn't something that you automatically feel just because someone's doing something to you; you will only enjoy the sensation of oral sex or fingering if it's something you're happy and comfortable with doing. You should certainly tell your boyfriend that you aren't enjoying what he's doing, otherwise he's going to carry on as he is! And if something hurts, it's definitely not the right thing to be doing, whether it's because of technique or just that you're not ready.
You need to do some thinking about what the real problem is, and to help you I would suggest you consider visiting scarleteen.com, a sex education site for teens which has some good stuff - there's a 'sex-readiness checklist' linked from the front page that I think would be useful for you to apply to your own situation. Even though it talks about intercourse, the points about what intercourse WON'T do for you are just as true for any other sexual activity.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Maybe you aren't ready for this sort of thing yet. Or it could simply just be nerves. You need to relax a bit more. Try talking to him about it and if things don't change, tell him it just isn't meant to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): maybe you are just not doing it right come on sex is amazing, and i dont think you are doing it right if it just hurts or you cant feel a thing!!!! girl finish him find someone else who can give you what you want!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Get checked out by a competent doctor. Ask your boyfriend to go with for some education and training on your anatomy. He may be touching something he shouldn't. We don't learn these things by osmosis. If there is no organic reason for you to feel pain, or feel nothing when he licks, sucks, kisses, and touches your sex organs, then it is between your ears. You may not be as comfortable with this activity or with the bf as you think, and that is causing the problem. If you are tense, or stressed, you cannot relax, and you will have problems making love. Talk to your doctor about this. Then go to the library or book store and spend several hours looking over the books they have about sex. Have your bf go with you. There are also videos and dvds that are very instructive on how to have sex, and enjoy it, that can save you hours of frustration. Invest in them, and watch them together. You will both learn. It is your job to pleasure him, and to teach him how to pleasure you. It is his job to listen to what you teach him, and pleasure you. It is your job, also to be a good pupil, and listen to his instructions on how to pleasure him, and then do so. Making love is adult play time. If you are not laughing, kissing, pinching, tickling, talking to each other, then you won't relax, and the experience will be less for it. When sex becomes work, it usually fails.
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