A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What are the steps to dissolving a marriage? Me and my husband have been in counseling, and the only thing that I have learned is I want out. I am stay at home mom with two children (ages 1 and 5). I am also a full time student. I don’t know how I’m going to support me and the children, get a job and finish school. It’s a lot to figure out. Its why I started the counseling, for help in the steps to getting out of the marriage, the our counselor just seem interested in why I’m still here. I don’t want to be, I’m trying to get out.I was also thinking of going through a mediator instead of lawyers. We don’t have a really big estate, so it’s not like we would have a lot of property to discuss. But I am also not sure whether to sell the house or try to keep my girls here. It seems unfair to make they move into a small cramped apartment because that is all I could afford. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere are a lot of problems in the marriage. My husband is a liar and a cheater; and there is a lot of money issues. He is very self absorbed and neglectful of me and the children. He spends money without consulting me. He has bought a house, cars, video games and gaming counsels, rc cars, computers all for himself. Now he put us into bankruptcy, without consulting me about it. He told me we were going to get some information, but he took me because he needed me to sign papers. (two days after he bought a new car). All he ever told me about money is that we are fine and that after this or that happens this are going to be good. I have never had to take out student loans, and the first one I took out (for books), he is planning on spending it on himself. He is extremely neglectful. He ditched me when I was in labor last year because he was out getting drunk. He tries to guilt me into thinking its my fault, and yeah, I’m just tired of it. He has guilt me out of school three times, saying it costs too much, but then he will turn around and buy a $3,000 computer. He put over $10,000 on a credit card last year that he had hidden from me. What sent us to counseling was he went out of town with another woman for two weeks and lied and lied and lied about it. He was caught and still can’t tell me what happened. I found out because of his cell phone bill, then he told me it was my fault and was mad at me for checking my bills. I have given up. I don’t love him, and am very apathetic to him. The cheated has always been a problem, he has had many internet relationships, and has , as I see it, bragged about sleeping around on me before we were dating. The list goes on and on. But he done little to even make anything up. I have thought of the option to stay, till I’m on my feet, but if I am in a household with him, I don’t see that as an option. I won’t finish school for at least two years now, and if I have to cut back to part time it will take even longer. If I start working while I am with him, he will take my money and spend it on him (which is one reason I do not have a job currently.) When I was working before the children, he spent every dime and complained that he needed to be “entertained”. I am really worried he is going to drag me down further, and me and kids will only be wrapped up in his debt while he gets to out and have fun, while I’m at home worrying about how to pay for my kids dentist bill.
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (21 July 2009):
 You have chilldren you made the decision to bring them into this world so you have to make decisions with there best interest in mind, you seem so eager to leave your husband why is that has there been issues of infidelity etc, when you took your vows it was for better or worst, you have not given any details about the marriage but if this man is suporting you and his chilldren why do you want to leave him, your a young women it seems to me you got married to soon you felt like you where all in love and didnt live enough life before you decided to share it with someone, You now have theese chilldren should they suffer because of your choices. How do you know your husband will not want custody as of rte now he seems to stand a better chance of getting them, Marriage is based on mutual respect compromise and understanding,I would suggest finding a way to live with this guy untill your on your feet put your emotions aside and think about things logically for your childrens sake.
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