A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been on the internet all weekend reading about in the closet husbands. I am confused because I am getting conflicting information and am thinking I may be in this to deep to really be objective.Advice from those who are gay or have been in my shoes is greatly appreciated!I am 37 he is 49 and we have been married for 16 years. At first, he was much more into me than I with him. He was very aggressive in his pursuit and we wound up getting married 6 months later. (Yes, I now realize what a mistake it was) When starting our marriage, I would attempt to do thoughtful things like those I had always done in my previous serious relationships. Just little things to show you care such as trying to take help him get everything together and packed up for business trip or trying to take care of him when he is ill. He would always make me feel so bad because he felt my efforts were more of a hinder than a help. He always wanted to to things on his own.Since he got married in his mid-thirties and has a very set in his ways personality. I thought he must not like the changes in his routine with anything I tried to do to help, and I just stopped trying after a while.The thoughtful things I had become used to in a relationship, he rarely offered such as helping me carry heavy things or worrying about me out late at night. In fact if one of our children went some where that required a late night or early morning pick up, I was the one who did it. I was also the one who got up in the middle of the night to check out the house when a sound would wake us up. When we went into a store, he would open the door and go right in and I would go in after him. He would put on a TV show he new I didnt like and would have no problems watching it without considering what I wanted to watch.I never had a huge sex drive and neither did he but about the same time I was learning about his lack of consideration towards me, I got pregnant. (opps!)When I was 6 months pregnant and I remember he had me standing on the front ( which was high up from the water) and had me pushing off his 37" foot boat from the front poles on the davit when he was pulling in and out. This was not an easy job as the boat was moving and since it was big there was a strong force with it).When my parents were visiting and they saw me pushing the boat off while pregnant, they flipped out and were yelling at me about how dangerous it was for me and to stop doing it NOW! After the baby was born I was so in Love with him I didnt really notice or mind the distance in the relationship. We would ask he to go place or do things and he rarely would join in on family events.He spent little time with our sons and that did bother me and was the topic of many fights in the next few years of our marriage.During this time I tried to return to work 2 times and go to school 2 times and had to quit because he could never commit to a out of town schedule.It got so bad, I even quit my once a month bunko group and pretty much went into an isolated world and suffered from deep depression.Sex became seldom such as 1 or 2 times a year. When we did it was short and awkward. His kisses were never great but nothing was soft and gentle as with the other men I had been with I would try to touch him in on his penis and he did not like it and would push my hands away. I would try to kiss him on the neck and around the ears and he said it made him ticklish. I noticed it took a bit for him to get hard and when he did it didnt last long. When I would want more, he would say he couldnt preform more than once for several hours.Trying to improve things, I once put on a sex outfit and came out into the living room and started kissing him. He then made a remark like "whats this contraption outfit for?"He made me feel so unwanted and dirty. He later said that it was because he is shy about those type things and he didnt know how to react.This man is the most ruggered I have ever know. He was big into football and rugby when he was younger.I am 37. I am 5'10" with blonde hair, blue eyes. I have been told I am very pretty by many a man and have done some modeling for the small town I was from. I not a beauty queen, but I am not to awful to look at either. A few years ago, We have an additional son. He wanted a second child and I said only if he would help more with #2. While pregnant with #2 I would ask for a boob rub in the evenings because being pregnant they were swollen and painful. And while I am not terribly abundant in the chest. I was worth more than the 10 seconds he would rub me.Fast forward to now , married 16 years. We have had no sex in 5 years. He never kisses me or touches me as a husband does a wife. I feel like I have no worth and am not worthy of being desired by a man. Im dieing inside and although I am afraid dont want to live like this anymore.I know this is a stupid, obvious question but I need someone to validate my thoughts for they are drastic.Is he gay or is there any other possible explanation I am overlooking?I am sorry this is so long. I guess it been held in for 15 years.Thanks for your help and supportA in FloridaHe has grown up some an has gotten better about his priorities, but affection towards me is not one of them. He never stares into my eyes or watches me as I change clothes. He makes no comments to me like your still so beautiful.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PsychicDove  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Ah Honey,
In short, he acts like a robot lacking sentiments right? I am told by my spirit guide that he needs a hard wake up call. A real hard one.
Don't leave him now even if you are heart broken, this is something to do with his psychology, some men have this, when they assume their girl would stay with them forever they just get careless and think what's the need for all the effort in keeping this relationship going when its anyway gonna continue thanks to my wife.
You are asked to file a FAKE DIVORCE case with the help of an attorney who is a family friend or something. Just explain to him about your problems and he should be kind enough to help you out.
The moment your husband sees that you are leaving him, his aggressiveness is gonna come back and he won't ever resort to his careless behaviour ever again in the future.
Although make sure that only you, your lawyer and some family friend or member knows just in case the rumour should reach your husband's ears to make the plan work out smoothly till the end.
He is not gay, his hormones are fine, it has got something to do with his psychology, perhaps some childhood blockage which has embedded into his sub-conscious. Don't worry, his manhood is intact. He's just become abnormally LAZY.
Take care okay?
Good Luck and Best Wishes.
~PsychicDove
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