A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What are the signs of a man who has fallen out of love with you? My husband never seems happy any more and even though he says he loves me (sometimes but not often) and we still have sex, he is constantly harping on me about something he perceives as careless, or not done to his satisfaction. A friend of mine suggests she did this when she was married and didn't know what else to do; she just screamed until the guy got tired and left. I think this may be the case but it makes me so sad. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): You don't say how long you've been together - so it's quite hard to judge this situation!! I'm guessing from the situation that you haven't been together all that long?
Sometimes when couples get set into a pattern in a relationship, they can start taking each other for granted. What starts as slight impatience can easily become snapping, then overt criticism, then outright aggression. Alternatively, more passive-aggressive ways of acting may begin - sulking, whining, oversensitivity/insensitivity. Tiredness, stress, worries - all those things that exacerbate stress - do nothing to help with this.
The critical thing is to draw the line, very firmly, right now. Sit your partner down and explain that you find this behaviour very hurtful, and that you think it is damaging your self-esteem and your confidence. Try not to be accusatory or aggressive in the way you do this: rather, let him see that you're genuinely hurt by this way of acting. Explain that you would like to feel closer to him, and that you think that there's a real danger that love, joy, and all the things that make relationships work, are getting lost in the day-to-day grind.
Maybe suggest doing something a bit special, perhaps going away for the weekend, or having a lovely meal out in a nice restaurant. Be prepared to give something a bit extra, to do something a bit differently, to normal - and hope that he reciprocates!
If, however, he does not alter his behaviour, be prepared to walk away. I wasted 15 years with a guy like this - and trust me, I wish I had that time back again! Not all guys are like this - many are sweet, kind, and considerate many years into marriage.
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