A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have this guy friend who I really like and I like to hang out with him. We dont talk very much as we are both really busy premed college students. I went out with him once and he seemed interested in me cause he asked me out. When I want to talk to him, I always have to be the one to call or message him online. He doesnt seem to do that. I dont really take it personally cause I know he is really busy with two jobs and research projects. He called once in the beginning of the semester to ask if I wanted to run with him and then have dinner and give him a massage. And I was really excited that he called me. However, during the semester I will not hear from him at all unless I talk to him first. I like to think that he is just too busy to really do much. Which is true he lives alone and does not like to be bothered when studying and working on stuff. I am concerned that he really may not like to talk to me. But if that is the case why does he seem to have a really nice time with me, offer to help me with physics, and ask me out in the first place cause we talked a lot online before we really met each other and why does he let me massage him and hug him. The massage thing really confuses me cause he is not shy to take off his shirt and pants (just wearing boxers) and let me do his back and legs, and feet as well as strech him out. He will do it back to me. Is this typical for guy friends to want this done by girl friends? I enjoy taking care of him. And I let him know that. Hes really nice to me but do you think he may just be pretending cause hes afraid to hurt my feelings? The only reason i think this is because he doesnt really talk to me much when I am not hanging out with him. What are the signs that a guy is pretending to like being with you even though they dont? Just in case. I am kinda confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thank you so much for the replies. you guys are really making me feel better about this. Yes I dont even know if I have the time for a relationship between, sports, hospital volunteering, EKG certification courses and other premed stuff. I really think that he is just dedicated to his schoolwork and i respect that. One of the reasons I like him so much is that we have a lot in common with hobbies, career interests and goals so I can talk to him about a lot of stuff. I can see that he likes me now and prolly just doesnt have the time to really talk much unless we hang out and I totally understand. I dont talk to anybody much cause I am always studying.
Thanks again for the help=)
A
male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 In short, I think he likes you.
Sometimes guys like girls and skirt around the line without crossing it. Sometimes they are scared of commitment and the inevitable escalation that comes with every step towards a relationship. This is compounded by the other commitments of your demanding program. It's a perverse question but from my personal experience in a demanding program, opportunity knocks and you ask yourself: Do I even have time for a girlfriend?
Spending meaningful time with a crush and the occasional massage seems like a safe way to skirt around the line without crossing it. In order not to cross it, you just have avoid girlfriend-boyfriend behaviour like calling each other often, spending significant time in public together (which sends a message to others), including the other in activities with friends ("Hey, I'll ask X to join us") etc... Pretty straight-forward guy-logic, huh? As far as mixed signals go it's pretty confusing, huh?
I understand that you're worried that he might be "pretending to like being with you even though" he doesn't because of all these mixed signals. In order for him not to like you but pretend to, he would have to have motives. You know your situation best. Sometimes a little reflection on what his motives could be really sheds light on confusing situations. It's only then that we can see more clearly if he's acting in line with the motives of a man afraid of commitment or in line with the motives of a "nice guy that does not like a another girl but doesn't want to hurt her feeling".
In the later case, a nice guy would send NO signals. Hugs are not confusing depending customs of a particular group of friends. Massages sessions are blatantly confusing.
Scenarios:
The girl is nice but you don’t like her and you don’t want to hurt her feelings ? forgo the massage sessions and stick to light banter in order not to lead her on = NICE GUY
I like this girl and she likes me but I don’t want a relationship ? skirt the line (confusing signals) = GUY SCARED OF COMMITMENT
This girl likes me and I could use this to my advantage with complete disregard to her feelings and the consequences of my actions = JERK (Also clinically diagnosed as a sociopath)
I hope this is of some help. You asked for some insight on interpreting the signals. As for what to do, that’s another question and we’re all more than ready to help.
All the best!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): I mean if he didn't enjoy your company, then he wouldn't spend any time at all with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): I really don't think there is an answer to your question that would make you less confused. If you like him and wish he would talk to you when not hanging out with him, then call him and ask him to stay in touch with you.....just check in on him.
I don't think he needs to pretend to like you if he enjoys your company then he wouldn't spend time with you.
I think he is not looking for a relationship or a girlfriend, he obviously is trying to get into med school and that is his main focus...so you will probably always be on the back burner of his life. I wouldn't take it personally, you more than anyone should understand this if you are in the same program at school....he probably has little time for devoting to a girlfriend.
You just have to decide if you are comfortable with all of this and go with the flow, or be more open about what you want and or expect from him.
I am sure it has little to do with you, but more with him and his priorities.
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