A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are taking a break. We've been together for 9 months but lately I was getting mad to often because I didn't understand why he was acting the way he was. Although I wasn't screaming at him, I was only talking to him about it. It wasn't until yesterday we talked and he opened up to me so I could finally understand that the way I was handling my anger wasn't right. He says he's confused and that he doesn't know if he's ready for a serious relationship. He says he doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't want to lose me, but he needs time to think about what he wants.So I told him I understood,even though I didn't like it. I feel terrible and I cried for a few hours although right now I have to admit I don't feel like crying. I think I'm a pretty strong woman and I can handle this. I know I'm going to keep feeling sad, and I'm going to miss him like crazy, it's only normal cause we still love each other. I decided, since were taking a break, that I shouldn't communicate with him at all, or see him or anything, cause it would make things just worse.How much time should this break last, or what would be the limit of me waiting for him to not be confused anymore? How do I handle this?!?! Should I answer if he calls to see how I'm doing? And what should I say to not make it worse??
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for answering this question. It really helps. =)
God Bless
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Based upon the limited background information that you have shared, it seems that at the point where your bf and yourself agreed upon a monogomous commitment that you were more prepared for it than he...AND...for fear of possibly losing you by opposing the commitment, he agreed to the commitment via pressure.
You indicated that you and he have been committed for 9 months. If the is the total amount of time that you and he have known each other than it's highly probable that the foundation mandated for a leveled committment was hurriedly and hence half-assed paved...with...the appropriate foundation being time...taking things slow...spending time with one another to really learn and enjoy one another and not make the focus of the outcome but rather a deeply meaningful friendship...and if a committment is meant to be it will come simultaneously for the two of you.
He said he doesn't want to lose you..but at the same time...he doesn't know what he wants.
You know what you want. You care for him to.
Without honesty, trust and respect, friendship nor commitment exists.
He is honest with You about his confusion. He respected you by distancing you from his confusion as to protect you ((although it would have been more considerate had he informed you upfront about his reason for the break))..AND..he trusts in you that regardless of his decison you will embrace him either way, friend or partner.
~Only God knows the Future~...You're boyfriend is burdened by your expectation of the unknown. He loves you and would never do anything to hurt you.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 I personally think that he has asked for a break as he needs to sort his head out, not a hidden signal that the relationship is at an end and how long that takes is like asking how long is a piece of string.
I'd not MAKE any contact with him, as he told you he needed the break, so let him have one, however, I would answer his calls, he has to miss you too tho, and he wont if you are forever at his beck and call, if he is calling alot, dont always be available to talk, dont ignore him either, playing games aint gonna help his head, answer and tell him to call back a little later.
I'd not let this go on for more than 2-3 weeks, if he can't sort his head out in that time, then you need to do it for him, for your own self respect and to save yourself from prolonged head wreck.
Good luck, I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 It depends on what the person wanting a break says, I'm guessing he didn't tell you? Sometimes it's a week or two even a matter of months. Taking a "break" usually turns into break up in which you rarely get back together from these. To me it's prolonging the inevitable. You have to ask him long he wants to be on a "break" and ask him the rules, such as can you see other people. Give him the space that he wants, and take this time to take a second look at this relationship. Specifically why you were getting so angry at him, and his actions. Personally, I would give it at the most a month, and then move on. It's not fair to wait around for him..Keep in mind this temporary break up might be a permanent one.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 You do what you feel you should do. Who knows how long it will take? You will be on a break until he feels confident enough in what he wants from this.
Answer his calls if you want, tell him how you are, ask him how he is and tell him that you still care.
As for the waiting, wait as long as you like. You are not a pet he can keep around in neglect. You have a life to live and you cannot wait for him forever. If you care about him, I suggest waiting for about two or three weeks to see how things progress but, if nothing changes, I think it would be best to move on.
I hope that helps.
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