A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know a girl who I am friends with, sort of. She is very loose sexually and frequently has sex with men for money. She had an affair with a married man a few months ago but I think she broke it off when it became clear this man was not leaving his wife. She recently told me she has herpes and she recently got medicine for it.I am guessing because of her looks and because of the way she comes on to men, she must have had at least 50 sexual partners in her life. She is 27.Although her lifestyle repels me, I know she has her reasons for it. The thing is, I wonder about how it affects her psychologically. She is prone to mood swings and depression. I know she wants to get married--and is looking for a wealthy man.I am wondering about her future. Can someone get married and just shut off the past like this and settle down and lead a healthy lifestyle?My question is:For those of you who have gotten married and have had sexual pasts like this or know of people who had...does it just disappear once you get married? Are there long-lasting effects, either emotionally or psychologically?Thanks for your thoughts
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female
reader, yashuas child +, writes (14 February 2011):
Hi I am an ex street worker. I worked the streets for about 4 years from age 14 - 17. I don’t know if my young age has added any extra emotional scars. I am now a very loyal and committed wife and mother. I have committed myself to Jesus and have found much healing. I can say that thanks be to God I am mostly emotionally physically and mentally whole. I don’t associate myself with that person anymore. My husband and friends can’t picture me like that. So it is possible to change. However bonding sexually is difficult for me. Seeing myself and other women as objects is also something I cannot shake free from (my flesh even likes it). I am being very honest here pornography is something that I haven’t been able to shake free from. I hate the pain it causes myself the girls, society and Gods heart, it is definitely the result of scars from my past. Picture and imagery from my past is permanently burnt into my brain. My life is filled with so much joy an peace. but that part of my brain remains unhealed. Good luck, i pray the very best for yourself and that hurting lady friend of yours.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Depends on the individual view of what is wrong or right, and also one's partner. ...and not one of us are really right to say she was wrong no matter how many partners she had. She lived her life as she saw fit and maybe she see's it different now. The world is always trying to tell us to feel guilt/ shame etc... . Emotionally and Psycologically not a problem for some people but all depends on individuals and i think you could be the one effected here....I point out she does not hide the truth and credit must go to her openess at least.
Spunky monkey
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): "I am wondering about her future. Can someone get married and just shut off the past like this and settle down and lead a healthy lifestyle?"
No, they have lifelong issues around intimacy. Why do you think she has only had "50" sexual partners if she is like this. She may have had 200-500 by age 27. Yes, that is not the norm, but that is not uncommon with people who have issues like you describe.
Also, someone doesn't come to this type of life by "accident" but usually has abuse and neglect or drug and alcohol issues that lead them into it.
"For those of you who have gotten married and have had sexual pasts like this or know of people who had...does it just disappear once you get married? Are there long-lasting effects, either emotionally or psychologically?"
First off, divorce and failure of the marriage is very common, probably the norm, but not always due to the promiscuity but sometimes due to the spouses reaction to it when they find out the truth 10 years into the marriage.
Anyone with this type of past usually tries to hide it, suppressing it takes conscious effort and impairs other areas of living unconsciously, all of which is very complicated, and intrudes into the sexual and emotional side of the relationship.
Anyone with this past history, in my opinion and experience, would be well advised to seek premarital counseling with their prospective partner, completely open up their past life to their prospective partner
(everything, and I do mean everything, as much as they can humanly explain to them including ...names...places...numbers...why...how...activities...etc...etc...etc)
and with a long duration of premarital counseling see if the partners can deal with it from both ends.
A very, very, very tiny percentage of the population have 50 sexual partners, men or women, but of those who "say" they had "50", it can easily be 100 or more. Some who say "50" only have had 25.
But, there are reasons that this happens, and they are not usually all that obvious. The hormonal issue may be more complex than we used to think.
For instance: Oxytocin which is a hormone released during sex seems to promote bonding between partners. The release of this in sexual abuse and trauma around relationships, and or with random promiscuity, may just lead to disturbances in the bonding process, where the brain is conditioned to "not bond" with this release and this and other hormonal cycles may not function normally. This may lead to problems in long term relationships which are supposed to be (at least in the involved parties conscious minds) monogamous or "bonded".
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Promiscuity is habit-forming (this goes for both men and women). The hormones released during sex are intended to create bonding. Ignoring that bonding feeling causes serious emotional harm crippling the ability to form real relationships. On the other hand, people who naturally resist that hormone will never be really able to sexually bond with someone either.
There's also the pain of tons of failed relationships, unsatisfying one-night stands, or satisfying one-night stands with people you never seeing again.
That's not including the incidental damage from hanging around people who choose that lifestyle. It becomes too easy to see every girl as an object, every guy as a douchebag. Or the fact that it's damaged people in general who do that. Or STD's and unwanted kids (or abortions).
Long term effects? Loneliness, alcoholism, and cat ownership. Avoid it and the people who are into it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I agree, she is not going to forget her past believe me. It sounds like she is depressed and she is letting men use her body which can only lead to her self confidence dropping. I dont know if she will ever settle down as it will be in her head that men are only after one thing and i dont think she will be able to trust men after leading a life style like this.
Its obvious she has lots of problems and issues that she has to deal with but it doesnt look like she is going to be dealing with them anytime soon. She got with a married man therefore this shows she doesnt see the value in marriage and that she will get with any man available or not.
If you are emotionally involved with this girl then maybe you could sit down and talk to her and tell her you are worried about her. She has already caught herpies and although you can get cream to clear it, herpies will stay with her forever and make an appearance anytime her system is low. Therefore she will be left with that for the rest of her life. Things like this should make her see that the lifestyle she is leading is dangerous to her health and maybe she needs a friend to point out to her that the way she is living is dangerous. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 She may be like this for many reasons, she has low self esteem, maybe a history of sexual abuse. She doesnt care about her body. She may be just trying too hard to get a rich man so she can have a good life. She is in fact being a prostitute if she's earning money this way. The long lasting emotional effects are with her now for reasons only she knows, and they will go with her all her life. If she meets a nice man and settles down she may be able to 'mask' her past , but never forget it as it will always come back to haunt her.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Nothing just disappears my friend, you are who you are and your actions speak for it! You don't just wake up one day, erase your personality and become a different person. This girl seems to have her issues, she sounds very unstable. She had to try 50 different men and still not one was able to please her enough so she can stay with him. She was dating a married man, thus she doesn't seem to have any values and virtues and doesn't care to break up a family. Frequently she has sex for money....you didn't write a single thing in your list that shows that this girl has any hope to change. I would stay away from her dude, at least emotionally. This girl has the recepie for your disaster if you get invovled with her emotionally!! Watch out!
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