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*uzzie
writes:What are possible difficulties that could arise from having a 17 year age difference in a relationship? I'm 27 and the guy I like is 44. I really love him and he loves me, but already we've had comments that I looked like his daughter.I've already thought of some of the problems, like that when I'm 37 and he's 54 he might start getting insecure and worry that I'd leave him for a younger man closer in age to me. He also can be really boring and treat me like a kid sometimes. But I don't think that would be a problem if we love each other.I'm also a little worried about my parents reaction. Do you think we have a chance together? And what are other problems that you can think of it we do decide to get married?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): hiJust thought i would put my side across. I am 22 years old and have been seeing a 39 year old man (17 yr gap). We love each other so much and though it hasnt been long (1 year relationship) i couldnt be without him. He has 2 older sons around my age and a younger son from a long term marriage. I did find it hard at first cause i felt he wasnt over his wife when our relationship began. Anyway that was in the past. The main problem has been his two elder sons who get into alot of trouble. Everytime they ring he goes and gets them(which its pratically 2-3 times a week) and then i dont see him for ages. He promises me that this will settle down they just at a bad stage but im scared it will lead to us splitting up. I love hime so much and he makes me so happy. i suppose i will have to wait and see what happens.h xxx
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female
reader, buzzie +, writes (9 January 2006):
buzzie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everyone for your answers.
I just wanted to add ( I didn't mention this already) that this man that I love had never had any children. This is a good thing for me because according to some of your responses, children from another relainship can really complicate things. I know he wants to be a father someday, and would make a good thing. The fact that he's never been a father and I've never been a mother are good, we have something else in common. I've already told him that I would someday want to have children, and he told me I'd be a great mother someday.
Once again, thankyou everyone for you support.
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female
reader, loveslife +, writes (9 January 2006):
I am in a similar situation and what I can offer are almost two years of experiences. I am 29 and he is 50. He has two boys of his own from a previous marriage and a step daughter he raised who happens to be 5 years younger. One of the most difficult aspects of the relationship has been the constant comparison about what she is doing that is so successful and what I have or have not done. I dislike the comparisons even if they are the most subtle because it creates this tension between us and it make me feel very akward. Yet I love him. Here's another dilemna.... he doesn't want to have any more children and though I have a child of my own, he's past that child rearing stage. What can we have besides LOVE that is apart of us...something we can create together that will enable our love to grow over and over? My parents don't approve...he is only one year younger than my Father! He's even older than my Mother! I live in an apartment...and though I have a great career and do well all things considered, he expects too much from me. And finally, no, we don't live together- even after almost 2 years of being madly in love we still have our space.
I wish I could give you an answer that would calm your worries. The reality is that he has to have the right attitude about what it is that you mean to him and what role you will play. Are you interested in long term...soul mate type of relationship? I would imagine you are, as I am. Our inexperience hinders our judgement at times and for me, it has been a very emotional ride. We have a great time together and I can see him in my older years...but will he satisfy my needs of companionship and that family life I yearn for? I've told myself to start thinking about this much more seriously now.... we aren't getting any younger either. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): HI
I have been dating a man 15 years younger than myself for 5 years we just bought a house together and he loves me dearly but I am not so in love anymore I don't know that it has anything to do with the age but when you have that many years between you there will be differnces one of our problems was his mother but she got over it as far as people thinking I was his mother I am sure it happens all the time my boyfriend is 27 now but he looks like he is 21 you to make a long story short you really need to like youself and do not let every one around you decide how your life should be ran if you are not sure about this relationship or if you have any doubts move on take it from experience life is to short to not make the best of it I just wish I could live by those words because giving someone 5 years and having hm love you so much it makes it very difficult to move on so before it gets that far be sure he is what you want and don't worry about his age, race religion nothing just make sure that you are happy and were you want to be in life because if you are not happy no relationship will work
Brandy
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reader, wishes +, writes (20 December 2005):
 Hi there! Myself and my partner have a 18 year difference between us (him being older). We are soul mates! And I couldnt be happier being with anyone else. There are a few things that you will need to struggle with. Im not sure of your situation, so Ill let you know about mine. As he is older, he had already had children, been in a very long term relationship, and his oldest child is only 4 years younger than me. Our main concern in the beginning were how the kids were going to deal with it (having such a young step mum), and the fact that because he had already had children, and I hadnt, he didnt think he would want to start all over again. We did say we had to break up, and we did, but that lasted all of about 3 hours because he said he couldnt be away from me so would do whatever it takes. He also had and sometimes still does have issues of insecurity- thinking that I will leave him for someone younger. This drives me absolutely insane, and at one stage he was going to leave me as he was worried I would leave him first. He got over this thank god! And now Im pregnant and we are going to have a baby soon. we couldnt be happier! In regards to family. My dad had the biggest problem cause they are pretty close in age, but just give them time. His family werent real happy in the beginning as he had been with his ex for so long, but now they are fine. Good luck. Only you will know if its worth the hard work! Best wishes x
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 I agree with codesa about age. Your situation is unique and WILL require dealing with certain aspects as they arise. If you let the age thing bother you it will become a problem. He is more experienced but that doesn't have anything to do with your love for him and vice-versus. I hope the two of you give it a try and remember this "Better to have tried at love than to have never loved at all". Good luck.
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female
reader, lost N love +, writes (19 December 2005):
Well I have been there myself. My last bf of 3 yrs was 16 yrs older then me and we loved each other very much. My mother on the other hand did not like the idea that I was with him. She made it as diffitcult as she could. You would think who cares right you dont need your mothers aproval on who you date but when you find yourself left out of family dinners and gatherings its hard and puts a strain on the relationship. I mean as much as you want to be around your lover on Christmas you also want to be around your family as well. Needless to say I have not seen my family at Christmas for the last 3 yrs. I think you get my point. I am not sure how to get around this. I hope this does not happen to you. As for him talking to you like a child that would happen ever so often. I would just remind him of his age and that would shut him up quickly. He never wanted to be reminded about how old he was. With regards to leaving him at 54 if you love him that wont even be a ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): It does not matter what other people think or say.What matters is that the two of you talk about your future together and disregard other people's ideas because it is none of their business. Your parent's may take a little longer to come around but at 27 you should not be seeking their approval on big issues like this.
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female
reader, codesa +, writes (19 December 2005):
Dear Buzzie
Age aint nothing but a number,if this person makes you happy than go for it irrespective of anybody you are already matured enough to know what will make you happy.The actaul age difference is 12 years as woman are far more matured than men and as for when you are older and the insecurities that you think that he might have Girl cross the Bridge when you get there, I believe that if he is willing to love you now with out any insecuries than years later wont be different as i think that you will also make effords not to make him insecure, about him treating you like a child , he is older and more experienced than you that he might forget that he is your lover not your Dad but nothing helps like telling him how you feel(hopefully you arent behaving like a child therefore you should not be treated like one)as he will understand.Your Parents will understand as along as you love this man they too will love him and respect your decition of being an adult.I think your will make a wonderful couple if you want to get married, you will definately learn alot from this man as you come from two different worlds but opposites attract each other. Good Luck !!!!!!
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