A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was living with my boyfriend for 18 months. We had a good, loving relationship and enjoyed each other’s company. He left because his child from previous marriage changed schools and the ex who had remarried and was pregnant again told him the child was not seeing enough of him and he was not contributing enough to the care of the child (besides financially) because he lived too far away to be hands on. So he arranged a work transfer, moved out and went to live there. More than 8 hours drive away. I don’t see any point in continuing with the relationship because I feel let down, discarded, humiliated and alone, and I don’t think I will be able to put behind me the fact of what he did. He thinks we can continue with the relationship and even still get married. He says I must be patient, it will work out eventually. How long am I supposed to wait? All I’ve got now is a visit once every 2 months when he flies down and a big phone bill. I can’t afford the cost of travelling. To sell my house and look for a new job – well I’ll lose everything I worked for so far. The cost of moving is high. This has been dragging on for 8 months and I don’t like the situation he has put us in. After a 3 year relationship and 18 months of living together, he is treating me like an optional extra that he can take or leave, as long as it (a) doesn’t cost him money and (b) fits in with his plans. What are the chances of this working out even if we both try our best? Should I even try? Is it worth going through the strain of a long distance relationship and then more stress if I have to move? We’re ordinary people, is it so important to make a relationship work?Doesn’t a time come when you say I’m not going to do this or fix that, I’m just going to let it be?
View related questions:
long distance, money, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 August 2011):
 LDRs are hard without an end in sight..
8 hours away is a lot...
It's actually a good thing his kid is so important to him.. is shows what a stand up man he is.
Moving is horrid. my bf is leaving his whole life and probably his job to move to be with me and I have to sell my house in this horrible economy and find a new place for us to live in together... compromises must be made by all to make relationships work.
IF you do not wish to compromise these things then you must end the relationship.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 August 2011):
 That's up to you to decide. The costs/benefits ratio. When is it that the effort becomes too much effort. Only you can know it.
If you are not motivated enough or in love enough, then yes maybe it's too complicated. If your relationship is your life priority, then when there's a will there's a way, and the financial sacrifices may be justified.
It's a difficult predicament and, alas, it sort of comes with the territory of dating a guy with kids.
I can understand that when he decided to make his kid his top priority above anything else, including your relationship, your ego very naturally took a severe beating and you felt dejected and disappointed. And then again, basically he did the right thing, the honourable thing. Because he IS a dad, and his kid HAS to be his priority, and if for being a good dad he needs to relocate,- then this is what he's got to do . It is what it is. Which surely does not make it any easier for you.
...............................
|
