A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need your advice... I am a 23 year old newly qualified teacher who is about to start her first year teaching full time. My classroom is next to a teacher who is 36 and divorced and last year during my induction we shared a passionate kiss and during the past few weeks have been meeting up for drinks and have discussed getting into a relationship. I really like him and he really likes me. He is a really kind, down to earth man who is really sweet and also good looking which is a bonus. The age gap doesnt bother us as i am quite mature. The only problem is he was my year 5 teacher 13 years ago. I only found out a few days ago when my mum found an old school photo. I didnt have any feelings for him back then as he was just my teacher i still fancied pop stars. Now i still want to be with him but would like your opinion about it. Should i mention that he was my teacher to get it off my chest? Should we discuss it or should i just try to forget about it? Is our relationship wrong? Hes not a kind of paedo its just weird that im sexually attracted to and want to get into a serious relationship with a man who used to teach me . Its just a bit of a shock i will get over but just not sure how to express how i feel about it to him? I was in his first class so he probably doesnt remember me as a pupil. Any advice would be so helpful.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 August 2011):
 if he likes you and you like him there is no problem. i suppose it would feel more weird and wrong if he continued to be your teacher from year 5 onwards, but from what you say it sounds like you didn't see each other after that time. he is obviously not a paedo, if he were he would not be interested in you now at age 23 would he? even your age difference is not that big
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): I think its fine as long as you both realise the possibility of being judged and the fact that if you break up it could make it really awkward at work.
Im actually in this situation with my girlfriend. We share a primary school class and we keep it professional at work to the extent that only 2 other members of staff know we are together. We are not keeping it secret we just dont want to face constant questions from the pupils regarding our relationship. Also it deffinately helps to stay professional.
I agree with the other reader who suggested you get your parents to get to know him before they judge your relationship. My girlfriend and i invited her parents around for dinner to get to know each other i now have their blessing. We are now happily enjoying being together and i love her to death. And to any judgemental people... I was her teacher but i didnt think of her like that when she was a pupil i only began to like her when we were on induction at the same school last year.
You are both adults you both consented be together and be happy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): I think you should go for it hun...if your considering it you obviously know he doesnt perv on pupils and he obviously isnt just with you because he liked you as a 10 yr old because it has been 13 years and you said you didnt know whether to mention it to him which means he doesnt remeber you?
If your parents respect your choices they will find it weird but will support you with your decision and get to know him as your bf.
Good luck hun tell us how it goes x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): Personally i agree with this No-Suger-Coating post;i think you should go for it only if your prepared for the judgement of others, as there definatley will be luv.Especially as you cant guarentee this guy doesnt just go and perve over school pupils as a hobbie.It is a little strange to be honest id stay well away if you dont want the drama that will go with this sort of problamatic relationship.Try someone your own age hun!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): Thanks for the advice guys. Ive just text him to ask him round for lunch, hes agreed and is actually taking me out for dinner later tonight. Im going to mention it and hope hes ok with it. Thanks to the female anonomous reader; ive realised i was being too much of a panicker and now as long as hes ok with it, im going to enjoy being his girlfriend and enjoy our 2 week city break together next week. Thanks guys x
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A
female
reader, No-suger-coating +, writes (18 August 2011):
 Well legally there is nothing wrong with you dating him,
Number one because you are 23 'a consenting adult' number two because he did 'not' flirt or proposition you when he was 'actually' your teahcer, and or you were under age (which would have been completely inappropriate.)
So really the only problem's you will face is being judged by for example; family (as you say your mother fond a photo or something of your school days.....)
So therefor you have the choice to either play it safe and date him and let them either discover this information about him, or not for that matter what ever the case maybe (not advisable.)
Or you can start dating him and if you believe it will go anywhere, and will be more then a couple of dates out having a drink, then by all means let your family know the entire story, tell them that you appreciate it is a little strange-but that it begun only when you became a teacher at the age of 23, that he didnt even so much as look at you in this manner when you were his pupil.
And that it would mean alot to you if they got to know him and judged for themselvs what sort of man he is by giving hima chance.
Either way you may run into a few judgemental opinions but you have to decide if you believe he is worth it.
Good luck my dear.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): As long as he isnt your mentor and you understand that if it goes wrong you have to still be able to teach in close proximity to each other. Also as long as it isnt a problem to either of you it should be fine. I hope all goes well for you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): No, there's nothing weird or wrong about this! You are both adults, you have fallen in love as adults. I'm sure that he would not have fancied you as an early teen any more than you fancied him at that point.
If it makes you feel better, you should bring it up and talk about it with him. Maybe he doesn't remember you as a pupil any more than you remember him as a teacher! It's just one of those 'isn't it weird' coincidences in life, and nothing to worry about. Now stop worrying, and get on with having fun and enjoying your time together! :)
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