A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering what are the biggest reasons for divorce. Or I could call it cause for divorce. My husband is not intimate with me anymore, Is this very common after 20 something years of marriage? I know ,there are some marriage, what was never too intimate. But this was based on love, and sex. Now its all gone. There is respect, but no sex. I feel very damaged by this, but went trough together lots of difficult times, and it would be not enough reason to divorce, yet not easy to go on like that much longer. So this is such a secret taboo for me, to find out, how many other marriages are in the same condition, and becomes completely sexless? My man could never take his eyes off me, especially naked, but today, he would never even notice me, or touch me sexually. What do you think what is the real truth, generally speaking?
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 You need to keept the relationship in cluding the physical, because if you can't get physical, then that means you are about to be at the end of your life.
If you don't have the hormones or strength, to have sex, then you have major, major issues with your body.
It is something to worry about.
If you value intimacy and he, at 41-50 years old will not give it to you?!, you need to get out.
Yes, sex is a major part to it, but this thing does not represent sex only. IT represents the physical implications behind inability or lack of desire to have sex. It shows that he has no desire to fix himself, and in 10 years how will he be? You?
It takes two to tango my friend. If you want a relationship to work, he has to try as well.
That means weight loss, exercise, PHYSICALS, testosterone therapy if needed, etc.
It is NOT difficult at all. In fact, it is quite the opposite of difficult. It is so easy, it is pathetic.
A doctor gives you a magical potion that revitalizes you, and makes you feel 20 years younger. You lose weight, have strength, a renewed desire to live life how it was meant to be lived, etc.
Talk...
If that goes nowhere, leave him.
We don't need to say anything else at this point, because you already know the answer and what you have to do, so do it!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 March 2012):
 You (and he?) are sufficiently older that he should have a thorough medical exam to see if there isn't something that has changed within him, such that his libido has plummetted.... P.S. He ought to have medical exams regularly, anyway.... so what diff would it make if he said to the Doctor, "Pppssssstt, hey, I'm no longer feeling sexual toward my wife... And SHE is HOT as a pistol... and is miserable because of my hands-off... Would you check all my MAN PARTS and see if, say, my fan belt is loose... or, maybe I need some new spark plug wires????"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): No one here can really say what is going on you can only ask him and hope that he will be honest with you. It could be hormonal issues or he could be depressed, or many other reasons. There are so many reasons for divorce, if this is the only problem in your marriage don't get divorced. People make too much of a deal over sex imo, are you going to throw away love and 20 years of your life over sex? You can work on this and make things better. when you're older you're most likely not going to have sex that much anyway, you need to have more to keep a relationship than simply the physical.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): I think this is common enough and not really a big deal, to be honest. Atleast not enough to end a marriage.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (29 March 2012):
I agree with all post below. Living can take the meaning out of life! Can you get it back? Yes definitely but only if you both want to. You need to rediscover yourselves, both as individuals and as lovers. The first point is helped by getting more healthy, doing some exercise, eating better, drinking less, buy some new clothes, etc. Even better to do this together, and then go dancing, go out and do stuff, movies, play pool, bowling, go away for weekends, go to a rock concert, rent a campervan and escape, etc. And yes, have good sex. How much your husband wants to join in will let you know if he's already given up on life. If you fear this is the case then get him to the drs for a check up and some viagra! good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): Have you gained a lot of weight? gaining a few pounds is normal in the course of aging. But gaining a LOT of weight such that you look very different than you used to when you first got married, can really turn off your spouse if they haven't undergone a similar huge weigh gain, and it's not that they are being shallow it's just an instinctive reaction that's not controllable.Have you, over the course of your marriage, argued a lot? Have you bee selfish? Have you nagged and criticized him a lot? this is a big mistake that many people make because it shows lack of respect for your spouse. Just because you are married doesn't mean you no longer have to show them respect and consideration that you would to someone you were not so familiar with. the lack of respect kills the other person's feelings of love. No one feels attraction and desire for someone who they find disrespectful and very unpleasant.Have you had financial problems or big disagreements over money? that's a major cause of divorce because money represents what you do with your life.Is he cheating on you? Many times, when people lose attraction to their spouse completely, it's because there's someone new in the picture.you are the only one who knows your marriage here. So you need to examine what the problem areas are or have been. Your husband's lack of attraction to you didn't just happen overnight suddenly without any reasons - it is a symptom of huge problems, usually long-term.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): yes this is much more common than we think.
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A
male
reader, Cole Turner  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 Biggest reason usually is finance related ... money stresses etc etc. In terms of your issue with your man not wanting to touch you or satisfy you ... he feels to secure with you and feels that you will always be there .. so there is no need to make the effort. Initiate some foreplay and remind him of the good times ... maybe an outfit??
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (29 March 2012):
As people age, you have low testosterone and then you generally feel like not having sex. However, there are things you can do to combat it, if you do have it, as a man. I, for example, supposedly have well below the minimum amount of testosterone in my body, but I completely own the bedroom scene with the woman I am with. It is a mindset. I make myself do things and get hard. I cannot get hard from a naked woman anymore, but I get hard because of certain things I enjoy, like the sound of her moaning, screaming, and crying out in pleasure and pain. I rarely, if ever, get erections in the morning. It, for me, is genetic. Tonight, I rammed the woman I was with for a half hour, and she was crying because it was so fantastic for her. That for me is a short session.What is the difference between me and your husband? I care to pleasure my woman and he doesn't care. Your husband promised you something and failed to deliver on it. As we age, we have issues with testosterone. However, we can psychologically program ourselves to get passed a handicap anyway. It is a mindset. Somewhere down the road, he quit with the idea that he had to impress you in bed. I am willing to bet that within the first couple of years of your marriage, the passion died. Talk to him about it. If he decides he doesn't care, then divorce him. When you are physically capable of getting intimate with a partner, but choose not to, then you should not be with that person. He CHOSE to not be that way. He CHOOSES to still be that way. If he continues, then you need to leave. He may feel embarassed. However, if he chooses to not help himself and wants to continue to not have sex, then he misrepresented who he was. You made your vows 20+ years ago to a passionate man that loved you with actions, not just words. If he meant it, then he will be passionate again. If he didn't, then your vows have become null and void, and you can divorce guilt free. Good luck.
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