A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What are the biggest problems what most people have to deal with in a lifetime? In my family we have so much problems , that it is hard for me to see, if everybody got problems like that ,or it is out of the ordinary to have them,like that . So two of my siblings were drug addicts since age 13. One of them is dead , from OD. But they made my parents lives hell. Now they are both depressed, and not really there for us anymore. I got a very rare skin disorder,and I don't have a good cure for it. My parents are also having big issues with their marriage, due to the stress they had to face with for years. My other brother is also dealing with many unfortunate educational and social issues, what are more normal, yet its all adding on to the full picture. I feel my life is very tragic, and it seems nobody has big problems like our family. Please tell me what do you think of this problems?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 How about going blind and having to have a transplant, then being hit with long term illness.. does that sound hard enough for you. Funny enough, I've never seen my life as tragic... stuff happens in life and you just get on with it.I got a friend who should have been dead at 12 from leukaemia. Her hair fell out, her bones crumbled into dust, so she's had to have hip replacements. She wears false teeth, and she's not much older than you. To top it all, her mother killed one day in a freak accident.Never heard her complain about anything, she just makes the best of the life she's been given. Lack of teeth, crumbling bones never stopped her from managing to pick up the most handsome men in the room. Never knew how she managed it, especially with them clicky hips.. lol It's really a case of how you deal with life. Yes your situation sounds tough, but it's not the worse I've heard. You can either lie down and die, or you can get up and fight with all your might.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): I was sexually abused and beaten through my entire childhood till I left home at 16. I was then raped at 17 and had a failed suicude attempt soon afted. My mom abandoned me and my brother when I was 4 and my dad was a violent alcoholic. My brother had a mental break down and killed someone and will be in prison for a very long time. I have managed to get over all of this liver problems and 6 months in a psychiatric unit. All of my family are drug addicts and alcoholics and out of 9 siblings he was the firt one to live past 40. I have gone for 10 days without food or shelter. I am now very lucky to be working and have my home now. If I only had the problems you had I would feel lucky. Everyone deals with problems in their own way. You have to make the decision on whether you will let them destroy you or make you stronger and more determined to make a better life for yourself. Something that's always kept me goin is the thought there is always someone worse of than yourself and feeling sorry for yourself doesn't make anything better. You need to stand up shake it off and keep going or it will drag you down forever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): you are normal. Everyone has problems. If not now, then they will sooner or later.
Death, terminal illnesses, tragedy, abuse, betrayal....these are all common problems that many people face. People don't talk about them openly so it's easy to think you're the only one who has these problems. You're not.
Even for people who seemingly have zero problems (and again, probably they're just not talking about what problems they do have) - sooner or later they will. Things can turn upside down at any minute.
on the other hand many people learn to deal with these problems without getting dragged down. That's just what you have to do - because life is full of problems, the problems will be there. the key is to learn how to deal with them.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 The biggest problems folks deal with are the ones they let get them down… yes when you first get your bad news (death, chronic illness, etc) you get your initial pity party, but then you have to pull up your “big girl panties” and deal with them.
I am sorry for the loss of a child to your parents… that’s very hard and many marriages break up due to the death of a child. Grief counseling is critical to surviving a loss like that.
I am also sorry your parents are depressed. If the loss happened recently it’s understandable. But there are medications and help for depression and grief… they need to be the ones to take advantage of that, if they don’t there is not much you can do. And as a child over 18, they really can’t be responsible for you any more.
As for your skin disorder… you learn to deal with it… just like say an olympic skier (Jill Kinmont comes to mind) who is paralyzed from the shoulders down in a tragic training accident who went on to live a full life of marriage and painting… You have to get to the point after your grief and mourning that you accept your “lot in life” and move forward being the best you can be.
In my family, my mother had severe learning disabilities before they knew what they were and she was labeled retarded (she was not she was dyslexic) she dropped out of high school but she went back and got her GED, then an AA degree and made a great life…. Till she was tragically taken from us by cancer at the age of 58 (which to you seems old but one day will seem young)…. The problem for ME is that both her parents and her older sister were also taken by the same type of cancer and I was told I have a much higher chance of cancer due to family genetics. My cousin has had one child have cancer already. I live every day under the “cloud” of cancer coming… I was just given a very severe diagnosis of chronic debilitating degenerative joint disease of the spine. There is nothing they can do for me but try to relive my pain with multiple procedures. I have to have tests yearly to watch to see how badly my spine is deteriorating and will one day have to have very invasive surgery to insert steel rods into my spine to prevent my body from collapsing onto itself…. So I get the whole medical black cloud…. And yet I get up and go to work and run a home and I’m engaged and getting married to a much younger man who also has had his share of heartbreak and pain in his life.
YOUR PAIN is your pain and it sucks but it’s really not WORSE than anyone else…
My brother has learning disabilities, HEP C and a husband with HIV… they live…
My cousin in in recovery long term from drug use but has addictions to laxatives that can’t be helped.
EVERYONE has something….
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Everyone experiences different problems as they move through life. I think what you are really asking is, "Is this situation ever going to get better?"
The only thing you tell us about yourself is that you have a rare skin condition. Does this keep you from going out and meeting people? Do you have friends or other family you can talk to?
Your family certainly has had a really rough time and, unfortunately, that seems to be continuing. Are there any support groups or helplines you could call? I guarantee that there will be someone, or an organization out there, that can - at the very least - give you someone to talk to about what's happening in your life.
You are feeling overwhelmed by it all at the moment and that's no surprise. What you need to realize though is that you are not responsible for the problems of others - you first and foremost have a responsibility to yourself. Get yourself strong and you will be able to offer help, but it's not your job to cure everyone else's problems. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying you should turn your back on your family, but ONLY YOU can make you strong.
Do you work? Are you at college or university? Do you have a social life? How do you FILL your day? Have you thought of doing volunteer work? Very often the best way of putting your own problems in perspective is to see what other people have to cope with on a daily basis.
Have you thought about leaving home? Is that an option?
Your life will only be tragic if you don't try to do something to make it better. So, please, reach out to a support group, a counsellor, your doctor - find someone to talk to. Find someone who can advise you on options for you to make your life better.
We can only help those we love from a position of strength, and we can only help those who want to be helped.
You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you and it can be a good life, but you have got to take action! Think of what you would like from life (and I am DEFINITELY NOT talking about millions of dollars and fast cars), a good job, a family of your own, a home of our own ... now think about how you can make that happen.
Don't think, "Oh, I've got to earn thousands of dollars to make that happen." Instead think of the very first, smallest thing you need to do ... the very first step on the journey of making the change to make your life better.
Your first step is to open Yellow Pages, or look at Google, for support groups and counsellors in your area. Good luck. I'm going to add you to my watch list - I want to hear that you've made that first step.
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female
reader, baby-blue-eyes +, writes (28 March 2012):
everybody you meet is fighting their own battles, most they keep hidden from the outside world. to me i have a very serious illness that will require daily multiple medications for all my life and has no cure it affects everything and everything affects it that is my big problem but to my friend having an argument with her boyfriend is an equally big problem. but yes gone through all that youre describing with my family at one point or another, its part of life unfortunately. we just have to take each day as it comes and appreciate the small things, to me i have a illness but out of it i met my best friend i got contacts for future jobs( i want to be a doctor)and met people who completely and utterly inspire me and it made me who i am and generally even though i dont get on great with most of my family i have amazing friends. also if you feel down either get professional help such as counselling or talk to a trusted friend or family :)
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 March 2012):
 only the very lucky get away with no problems in their life
we all deal with death at some point old age illness accident or suicide
thing to remember is it isnt you thats gone or an addict or in a bad marriage you need to cope with your skin disorder dont know if its dibilitating but THAT is your personal problem
if you live at home still perhaps you should move out distance yourself and seek counselling to lift your spirit
the only time my past family problems life problems come back & hit me rarely .is when i am down and having a pity party.
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger remember
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): There are people living in poverty, war torn countries getting raped and disfigured and brutally murdered. There are always people worse off than you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): I've dealt with my mother's amnesia, PTSD, her depression, my sister's failed marriage where she was regularly beaten to a pulp, I was molested by her husband when I was 13 and raped twice when I was 23. Her husband also raped his own daughter. Then he died of liver cirrhosis. I have only had failed relationships and I'm morbidly obese and suffer from depression. So you see, you're not the only one. But this won't make you feel better. Only you can overcome the struggles in your life. All the best.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Hon, you can't compare others' problems with your own. I could give you a list that overlaps with yours -- addiction, death, infidelity, divorce, estrangement -- but honestly that wouldn't make anything better for you. Americans grow up with the thought of a Norman Rockwell ideal, but it's an illusion. Every life has hardships, and what we tend to learn as we get to know people is that some cope better than others; some hide their burdens while others go on the Springer show. A few cope with quiet dignity, and many others live "lives of quiet desperation". But everyone, in the end, has to deal with a crisis at some point. And many, like you, with more at once than it seems possible to handle.
The real question is how do you cope. There are qualified, helpful counsellors who can assist you. You may have close family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) who can help. Or friends who have learned from life's hard knocks. Or if you're a person of faith, then perhaps a spiritual leader.
It isn't easy. There's no magic wand that can take away your troubles. But being human means taking it on one day at a time. And recognizing that you can't solve others' problems -- you can only be you, learn to be the best and most optimistic you can be. Take care of yourself, and only give of yourself to your family what will genuinely help them. And worry isn't one of those things that can help them.
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