A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have never had a boyfriend and sometimes I will admit it can upset me and sometimes im not too bothered about it . I had had guys show an interest in me in the past but most of the time id mess it up and was scared of getting to close so it didn't work out .in the past few months ive been thinking I want to get close to someone , not as in a relationship , on a friendly level but im not sure how . I know a lot of people use dating sites just wondering if these are useful or not or can anyone think of any ways to become close or get talking to someone regardless of gender ? there have been some people I have been wanting to talk to but necessarily sure how to approach the situation . ive just wanting new people to meet , any ideas of what I can do ?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 August 2019):
 As Honeypie says, no, don't go on dating sites looking for friends . Dating sites are for people who want to date , not for people who just want to expand their social circle. If you try that on a dating site, you'll most likely meet only people who get mad at you because you have been wasting their time, or people who pressure you trying to convince you that no, what you actually, really want is to date them.
You, basically, are saying that you feel a little lonely, or socially isolated, and you want to get out of this rut . Perfectly reasonable and understandable, and, when this happens, it's a sign that you should invest some time, effort and money in making a connection with YOURSELF. In other words, do not start making the round of parties, gatherings etc. like on a life-or-death mission to know people. First ,know what is it that you like, or could like, and do it. Chances are that you'll get in touch with like minded individuals and that's always an excellent start to further contacts ; and anyway, at least , you will have had fun doing or Learning somethng you enjoy. So, meetup groups are good. Or volunteering. Or groups organized by your Church, or city council, to realize some project. Or a class in arts or sports which attract you. Go hiking, or take tango lessons, or join an amateur theatre company. Etc.etc. In short, first of all , make friends with yourself and take yourself on pleasant dates :), the rest will follow . And, if your predicament is caused by a touch of social phobia
( I have no idea if this is the problem, but, hey, just in case ) there are self-help groups for that, both on line that IRL, it may be worth giving that a try.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 August 2019):
 Don't use DATING sites to meet NEW friends. That is not what they are for. Most people on dating sites are LOOKING to date or hook up.. NOT making friends or entertainment for other people (like you) the "lookie-loos".
Use group meetups in your area instead. Or join a group that do things you are interested in. Like hiking, theater, movies, food, cooking.... WHATEVER tickles YOUR fancy, so to speak.
As far as getting a conversation going with someone you have already met, well NEXT time you see them in person have some small talk. SHOW interest in what they are doing and saying. I know people contact people they BARELY know over social media I just find that... more like someone gone fishing to see who bites.
BUILDING a friendship TAKES time and effort. Talking to someone on Facebook or Instagram really doesn't make them friends.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 August 2019):
 Hi OP,
Your face and body language can drastically leave you lonely for a long time. Men are looking for a woman who may seem fun, opened minded, and confident. If you are walking around with a look of leave me alone on your face, and your body language says I am depressed, guess what?? You will find yourself alone and depressed.
If you go to a coffee shop to buy coffee, do you smile at the employee like you are best friends?? Do you look them in the eyes, and say "Hi, how is your day going?" When you treat people the way you would want to be treated yourself, that is what you get in return.
You give smiles and hellPLLLos, and you get them back. Don't get me wrong, there are tons of Jack wagons out there who will be rude instead of kind. But no need for you to be like them. Boy friends are found in the most interesting places...and all it takes is a smile and a hello.
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