A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I still miss someone who I used to be friends with and it has been two years , I just want advice on how to deal with my sadness when I see her . she never told she didn't want to be my friend any longer but it was our mutual friend who told me and explained some of the reasons why she didn't want to be friends any longer which I do feel are very justified, I don't want to go into too much detail but I think she got fed up of my weird behaviour , unnecessarily phone calls and immaturity and I can totally understand her feelings but part of me does think it would have been nice for her to explain and tell me she didn't want to speak to me anymore but she never did even now I sometimes hope that she may message me but I highly doubt it as she had blocked me on social media and has made it clear that she doesn't care for me .she really meant a lot to me , and i wish I had told her ,id met her in college after leaving school , and I didn't have a happy time at school so really aimed to enjoy my time at college in which I did and through meeting her I became happy and I liked her for her quirkiness and silliness.you might find it daft still missing someone after two years but I still find it hard sometimes as I never got an explanation from her and im still friends with her friend so I find it harder knowing that my friend will see her and I cant . ive seen her a few times out and about but I don't think she has seen me so would just like advice on knowing what to do when I see her ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 August 2019):
 One more thing -- the average UK marriage age you cited also takes RE-marriage into account, like second, third, and subsequent marriages.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 August 2019):
I think it was immature for your friend to have another friend tell you why she didn't want to be friends anymore. A true friend would talk to you personally about it.
There's another component to this as well, and a happier one I think. If you think the reasons had merit that broke you two up, like weird behavior, awkward stuff, unnecessary phone calls, were you a bit clingy with her or emotionally needy?? I almost detect that you had a little bit of a crush on her! Not that it had to be sexual in nature or anything!
You handle this BEST by self-improvement. If you see flaws that ended your friendship, then better yourself! Take what you've learned as education! Don't smother people with clinginess or jealousy or excessive contact or socially awkward behavior! Talking to a counselor or even a therapists will teach you valuable skills in cultivating the natural ebbs and flows of any friendship. WOrking on the insecurities that drive your obsessiveness and building your own self-confidence and esteem will change your demeanor and cause people to be attracted TO you instead of feeling uncomfortable around you.
If you were a constant complainer or negative thinker, then change that! Don't voice every thought that comes to your head! Learn the filters that keep you from putting your foot in your mouth or doing something impulsive or strange. Be approachable, but DO NOT SMOTHER people!
She'll see others being drawn to you. Remember, it goes both ways! She could hear of your change in behavior and she could unblock you so you can talk. But that's a long game, so be patient if that never happens. But if it never happens, she'll still see a "new you" and maybe by that time, you'll have gained new confidence and new friends, and she'll just be a distant dusty page in memory, notable only by the lessons she taught you.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Dee Dee  +, writes (23 August 2019):
It’s not at all daft to miss someone with whom you enjoyed happy times and who meant a lot to you, and it sounds as if you are still going through a process of grieving for what you lost with this friend. You not only experienced a loss, but also a rejection from someone who meant a lot to you and it is understandable that this has been an emotionally painful experience for you.This lost friend could have handled the situation differently and given you a chance to change your behavior and save the friendship but the fact that she cut you off so completely is a good indication that the friendship had run its course for her and she wanted to move on. One of the hard lessons of life is that not everyone wants to be our friend – no matter how much we might want them to. Most people have this experience at some time in their lives. You have the advantage of knowing why the friendship didn’t continue (lots of people never know). You can move on to making friends with others who value you for who you are, keeping in mind any “friendship” lessons you have learned from what has happened. This person you miss is just one person in this whole world who isn’t compatible with you as a friend. There are so many more who will be, and who will value your friendship. So when you see her, be confident of that. Even smile or say “hi” if the opportunity presents itself. This will free her of any guilt she is feeling and free you to move on to experiencing a more happy and fulfilled life.
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A
female
reader, Saphire_gurl +, writes (21 August 2019):
It’s very upsetting when someone you regard as a close friend suddenly ‘dumps’ you for no clear reason. I think you regarded this girl as your best friend and thought she’d be there for you always. I think you trusted her not to hurt you. So her behavior was completely unexpected and has left you in shock. She sounds quite nasty to me. A genuine friend would put up with weird behavior and lots of phone calls are common between girls who are friends even about the silliest things. Unfortunately she didn’t value the friendship as much as you did. It sounds like she dumps people when she gets bored or they’re no use to her anymore. I’m sure you’re not the only person she treated like this. It doesn’t even sound like you were friends for that long. I wouldn’t blame yourself too much for your behavior or to try and analyze what you might have done wrong. Try and forget about her and move on. Spend time with family. Start something you’ve always wanted to do or used to love doing. Keep busy and perhaps find a job doing something you love. If you see her around just ignore her back and don’t give her the satisfaction. Friendship break ups can be more hurtful than romantic break ups and can take years to get over but with time you will get over it. Gud luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2019): I have to ask... why are you still so attached to her?
Do you have any other friends?
She doesn't want to be your friend anymore.
She didn't tell it to your face, which sucks.
You mention some weird behavior on your part.
Do you act like that with other people, like unnecessary phone calls (I'm not sure what this means)?
You should focus on yourself and your issues and maybe get some sort of help and support.
Sometimes when you behave in a weird wave, people might think that you have a problem and will avoid you, because they expect you to make a fuss if they tell you what they think directly to you.
I had a bf who was REALLY weird. It turned out he had some psychological issues. I told him very directly and plainly that I wanted to break up with him and have no contact with him. He made a scene and tried to contact me for a while. It was before social media, so I couldn't block him, but I didn't take his calls. He then started talking to my good friend about me and would continue to do so for some years.
Focus on yourself!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2019):
 Just be polite, say hi and don't TRY and TALK to her about the past. She is CLEARLY over the friendship and you have to respect and accept that. If she doesn't WANT to say hi, just keep moving. I don't think there is any reasons to be rude for either of you, which is why I say, just tell her hi and keep moving. IF she wants to talk... that will be UP to her.
I OD think she should have been the one to tell you that she no longer wanted your friendship and not left it to a "mutual" friend but... THAT is water under the bridge.
And it's OK to miss someone you regarded as a friend. But... it's time to make NEW friends OP.
Lastly, OP. I don't think she was EVER a very good friend. She couldn't even tell you when you were being "too much" and she couldn't even ACCEPT you for you. So really don't SEE it as a "loss" but you BOTH having moved on.
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