A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i know there is really no clear answer for this (except for the obvious) but just thought I'd throw it out there, since I've been doing the online dating thing for a year now... and don't seem to be too great about reading my dates.So of course there are some very obvious signs of attraction or that the girl is into you when on your first date or meet, like a light touch, or a compliment... then there are pretty obvious ones like asking you again before the date is over, but not every girl who is interested is going to do all those things, so those are a bit more difficult to read.Now for the signs of rejection... again there are obvious ones like, your date looking everywhere but at you, she ends the date after an hour or two, seems uninterested in everything you say. Honestly I haven't really gotten any of these rejections, but a little over a month ago I had a date with someone and I was almost positive she was into me! Anyway the next day I texted her thanking her for the date and she just responded with one word, so clear rejection... but I was pretty surprised, yet glad she didn't lead me on. So my question is other than the obvious signs that I mentioned about the girl not being into you on the first date, what are some not so obvious signs that you girls give off? Again I am talking about just on the date itself, not what you do afterwards like calling or texting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): Just stop looking for signs altogether, OP.
Who cares if their legs are facing away from you or they're fiddling with their hair?
In my experience they can be all over you, rubbing your crotch full on and the next day not even want to acknowledge they went on a date with you.
You can never predict, so just focus on having fun, the conversation and catching a peek at her ass when she goes to jacks etc.
it's really pointless trying gauge interest on a date because they can change their minds after consulting with their friends, or maybe they'd had some drinks with you, or maybe they consulted your Facebook profile and found something they didn't like, or maybe their ex is back in the picture, their dog just died or one of the other guys they're messaging has a nicer car.
It's irrelevant, OP, most women are very flaky when it comes to dating and even more so online because they're usually messaging two or three guys at once.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): If people don't make it clear to you, there is no way to read their minds. No way to predict what they really feel.
What sets us apart from lower animals, is the ability to communicate through language and reasoning.
You consider it a deal-breaker when you meet people who don't have the ability to clearly express themselves.
People who teeter-totter over their feelings are insecure and most likely don't have the nerve to be honest with their thoughts and feelings.
That's not the kind of person you want to waste time with. If you have patience with shy people, they will eventually wear it out. There is a point when shyness becomes rudeness. If it causes inconvenience, don't put up with it. They have responsibility to hold up their end. Don't put it all on me.
A rule of thumb for me is this. I'll ask someone out. We have a great time, and I'll evaluate their moods and enthusiasm throughout the date. I look for smiles, and consistency from start to end. Then I ask if they would like to meet again?
If there is hesitation, or they seem awkward in responding; I take that as a no. I then leave it up to them to contact me; if they wish anything to go forward.
It's either yes, or no thank you. I don't have time for indecision. That to me means they're not interested enough.
If they say yes, and cancel a date at the last minute.
I will await a reasonable explanation; however, I won't reschedule.
I will politely listen to their excuse, and suggest maybe we might get together sometime in the future. I'm not stupid. I know the odds of emergencies that coincide with scheduled dates.
I call it quits at that point. I accept the explanation only as a courtesy, not as a reason to excuse them. I'm not needy or desperate. So going back and forth, to me, is a waste of precious time. I allow them to save face; while I prepare to move on.
If they are really sorry. They will do everything they can to stay in-touch, and they will go out of their way to invite you out. That is, if they truly like you.
It's give and take. I will pursue you, and then you will pursue me. I like things balanced. So nothing I do is
"no-so-obvious." If I'm not interested; they will know very early on. I don't play games. I have interactive and communicative skills. I use them.
If YOU start out honest and on point, you get respect.
People will be more straightforward; because they will make it their business to let you know if they feel you're a keeper. It's important to make a good impression, be consistent, and be honest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2014): This is a tough one. I would just be honest with a person if I didn't wish for a second date. I wouldn't wait til the first date was over, either. What I would say would depend on why I wasn't interested. I think it's better to just get it out in the open than try to pretend I'm interested even for the rest of the date. But that's me. I know a lot of women who wouldn't because they would find it rude or awkward to tell someone to his face she isn't interested. Looking for the tiniest of signs they might not be interested will be difficult. I guess even if they seem interested in what you have to say, watch their eyes when they talk to you. Are they maintaining good eye contact? If they text a lot or take unimportant phone calls while out with you, their mind is probably somewhere else, or they don't find you good enough company to ignore regular texts and phone calls. (Emergencies are different). I don't really know what else. Then again, why is it so important you know while you're on the date? Would you call them out on it? I think sending a text afterward IS the best thing you could have done. You still didn't waste any more time on her, because she was kind enough not to lead you on. Just keep sending the "thank you" text after your dates, and go by their reactions.
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