A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm 20 years old and been with my boyfriend now for nearly 3 years. Our relationship has been on the rocks a little over the past few months and were not as close as we used to be. I have been invited to go on a hen party at the weekend which i said yes to back along and then a couple of weeks ago my bf turned and said he had a real problem with me going. So respecting his wishes i then backed out and said i could'nt go having paid up front for the whole wkend. He has a problem with the fact that there is going to be a stripper! Now, our opionions do differ slightly. I don't particularly condone strippers but i would tolerate it for the sake of a good girlie wkend in a city ive never been to. My bf says that if i was to go we would no longer be together and he would consider me to be a slapper and a slut and so on. What are people's opinions on hen parties and stag dos and stippers. I don't get out much these days and lost touch with friends when we got together unfortunatly. so i was really looking forward to a giggle and a chance to meet new people so feel gutted about not going. Any thoughts anyone?, they would be gratefully recieved, Thank you!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): That was.. offensive. Do you think you'd be a slut and a slapper if you went to see a stripper? And were you aware that he felt this way when you first started dating him?
I think that if you're fine with not seeing a stripper, why could you not go but just not see the stripper? I dont agree with him that it would be slutty of you, but many dont like their significant other to go to strip clubs etc as it borders to cheating and makes them feel uncomfortable. I think you show him love and are being good to him by not going.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): First, I don't think a female and a male stripper are the same thing... Male strippers are a copycat thing. And women who enjoy them are just doing what they think is done.
Second, you are 20. You are not going to a club to see strippers and get drunk and probably get paid sex at the end of the day.
The purpose of the trip is to meet some new people and have a giggle. The evening has already been planned, you have paid up and probably would find it difficult to plan something with so many people (unlike what Lazyguy says).
This man knows you for three years. Does he not know by now that you are not "a slapper and a slut"?
You are only 20...I agree with Aunty Bim completely. If an evening out is a deal breaker, then the deal is not worth it anyway.
You need to find out for yourself what sort of friends do you want to have.
And @lazyguy. If my man had already planned something like this and I knew he was a decent bloke otherwise and doing this was a one time thing because a lot of his older friends were there, I'd put my discomfort on the record and let him go.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 Does he apply the same rule for himself?
There are a LOT of posts about women uncomfortable with their male partner looking at porn. Even those who accept porn draw a line between a 2D image and say a chat room or strippers.
He has certain ideas, if they only apply to you, then he is a hypocrite, get rid of him.
If they apply to him as well (he doesn't go to strip bars or similar) then at least he is consistent and you got ask yourself, do you share his views or at least respect them enough to live by them?
But if you EVER gave him a hard time about porn and now you want to see a stripper (you could hang out with your friends without the stripper) then you are the one being the hypocrite.
As always, a relationship takes two different people working out their differences to a point they can live together without driving each other insane.
Personally I find the whole sexual hen/stag party thing a bit pathetic. It is done by the people who think prostitution should be outlawed, then hire a sex-worker for a party. I can think of a dozen more fun things to do then watch a guy/girl strip. Especially if you are claiming you ain't going to be sexually excited by it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): As far as the stripper goes.. as long as he isnt an escort id see no problem as a guy. I would see a problem that your out with your mates who probably care less about your partners feelings than you do and in the heat of the moment might have a negative influence over you which would lead to you doing something you regret. If he has mentioned that, id seriously consider taking his thoughts into account and thinking about how you would react if anything was to happen.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 age wise, if I was going I would be the mother of the bride or groom so here is my opinion.
I have seen some male strippers and it were just tacky, BORING!! and I have seen some male strippers the women I went with disgusting behaviour, (slappers!) and I have seen some male strippers, funny as, a real laugh.
Male strippers appear to have become part of the culture for prospective brides, just like going to a nude bar or having a lap dance, or watching a raunchy pole dance seems to have become the thing for prospective grooms.
You will be in a group, you have accepted the invitation and paid up front.
I think you should go, you are only 20 years old, be careful, dont drink too much, be aware of drink spiking and never leave your glass or drink unattended. Stay with the group and dont go off with anybody on your own.
Have fun, and if your boyfriend cant handle it, I think its time to trade him in on a slightly more mature model.
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