A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, thanks for reading this and any advice you give me.I am in a relationship of over a year, and we had a discussion that I would really appreciate views on please.We were talking about relationships and I said I wouldn't get back with an ex, as my opinion is ita done and you are better suited realising the reasons you weren't suited and moving on.He has relayed that in his opinion people change, that he has made a lot of changes in his life and his assumption would be others could potentially too therefore. He then went on to say that if he and I broke up (he pointed out here that he has never been happier than with me by the way) but if we were to, he would give all the woman he meets an equal chance with him...ie he says he would treat exs if he bumped into them as a new woman he was meeting, and may go for a drink etc and see where it went. He calls thus being indifferent to them, and therefore isn't about feelings he still has.To me I feel he isn't able to let go of his past or doesn't want to. He to me isn't closing off any opinions, and I feel he is saying I'm happy with you, but if we were to split he could possibly see himself with an ex as much as any other woman.I truly feel if you hold this view, how can you not have buried feelings still? I couldn't think for a minute of being with an ex...its done business to me. I have a real problem with exs of partners anyway...dont know if this is clouding my view here? Please let me know what you think
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2016):
 I don't think he is telling you that he can see himself with his exs, he probably doesn't even think about it, as for him he is with you and that is it. But when asked a question he probably gave a straight answer that it is possible, where as women tend to think things over more than a man. They look at why he thinks he would get back with an ex, or we worry that he is still thinking of his exs. Where I think he probably just meant that it could be possible if he is single. People break up for all sorts of reasons, some on good terms, others on bad. It just depends on the two people themselves. Don't think badly about this, you two just have different opinions.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 March 2016):
 I think it REALLY depends on why you broke up and how long ago it happened, and whether the ISSUE that broke you up ever got resolved.
Would I ever date an ex? I think I might date one of my 3 exes, if I were single again and he was too. Even if it's been 25+ years. We didn't have a horrible break up, it was mutual, there were no hard feelings and we later on because friendly acquaintances again. We still are. But all in all, I think exes belong in the past.
The other 2? Nope, no way. One because we didn't have anything in common and I don't think that has changed. And the last one, no way in HECK would I ever be with THAT mistake again!
I think in your case you DO NOT like the idea that someone from his past is someone he COULD/CAN see himself with again. Who would like to know that notion?
He has a more pragmatic view of relationships than you do. Doesn't mean HE is wrong and you are right. Just that you don't see it in the same light. And it doesn't MEAN that he WOULD date an ex if you two broke up. Just that she COULD be a potential date. I can see both sides, to be sure.
And I think it's OK that you two don't HAVE to agree on everything. Specially not some hypothetical question like this one.
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