A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Tonight my husband called me a "f^^^ing lazy c^^t" , says i never want to do anything, and that he was going downstairs, sleeping downstairs and moving downstairs for good. I told him he cannot speak to me that way and if he wants to live downstairs he can just move out of the house.I am mad and hurt. He was being a bully to my 10 yr daughter because when he asked her to brush her teeth she said she would do it at bedtime, she was reading in bed (and we always brush teeth right before lights out) he got annoyed and told her if she wasn't in the bathroom by count of 3 she would lose her tablet for a WEEK, and she hadn't even got it back from the last time he took it away.; I said , your being unreasonable and he was annoyed and told me to mind my business and stay out of it.He said I never listen to anyone and he is done. He was in her face yelling at her and I do not like when he does this. I could have waited and spoken to him afterwards but i didn't.He made me mad acting like a bully and then he went off on me with the name calling.My daughter heard him about moving downstairs and is now worried we are divorcing...i think i should call a counsellor for myself at least in the morning.I think I deserve better than to be called something that ugly. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (3 November 2015):
 One more day with this creature is REALLY too long for you to endure..... Take YOUR kids and leave and don't look back...
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2015):
 Ah so you are a military spouse too. My husband is retired military so I DO know how he is acting. In the first couple of year of our marriage my husband "tried" at times to treat me like I was one of his "Joes" (soldiers) and I told him more then once that it's not going to happen and talking to me like I'm some stupid private is inappropriate and never OK.
We have 2 teens and one 11 year old, who are ALL spirited and independent girls and yes there are times where he thinks that if he says JUMP they should be up in the air with a how high. Which.... doesn't happen.
So yes, I understand your situation.
But my husband has NEVER given me the silent treatment (such as yours is) or called me names.
I would suggest you talk to a counselor and learn HOW to set boundaries and "enforce" them in your marriage.
And I would also suggest that YOU and your husband have a chat about parenting. While I get why you interrupted him (if he was being ridiculous and unreasonable) you two need to have a "united" front with your kid(s). Which means you BOTH agree to certain rules which you BOTH enforce and you can BOTH "punish" her according to those rules. In my house I'm actually the stricter parent. Maybe because I have spend the majority of their lives raising them, while he was at work or away on deployments, training, etc.
I would also have a LONG talk to him about what is going on with him that he seems to take his frustrations out on you and your daughter. And that he NEEDS to realize that he is not helping anyone with that attitude. Least of all himself.
Since you guys have already done one round of counseling, he already knows that his behavior isn't OK - yet... he disregard it. SO that leave you with having the "tools" but not being able to implement them.
I would also suggest that you take some time to figure out if this is workable or deal-breakers. And at some point lay it out for him. He can then either CHOOSE to work on HIS anger issues or move out, permanently.
I don't know if you are working, but if you are not, I would suggest you go look for a job, just in case you end up "kicking" him out. So you can be self-reliant financially.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno he has called me a f'ing b**tch before and I told him it was unacceptable, I am his wife and I won;t tolerate being verbally disrespected by him. He apologized that night, so far this morning he has just ignored me.
He has always had a temper, and we have been to counselling about it. He is good for a while but lately our daughter has really been pushing his buttons by saying "no" to him. He is in the military, and used to being in charge so this doesn't go over well and his temper comes out, same as if I raise my voice or he doesn;t like my "tone" he gets angry quickly. He wants daughter to toe the line , but she is a spirited child who can be defiant so its not something new unfortunatly. She also tests me but i don't lash out and call him names if he tries to step in. I am going ot make an appt for myself to get a handle on how to deal with this , I am still shocked at what he said and trying to decide what i am going to say if he decides to talk to me today
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 November 2015):
""I think I deserve better than to be called something that ugly.""
I don't think ANYONE deserved being called a "f^^^ing lazy c^^t".
And I don't think your daughter deserves being yelled at in her face.
So I have to ask is this a new thing? The yelling and calling you names?
And why after 10 years is he all of a sudden interested in dictating when your daughter should brush her teeth? That seems really odd to me. Everyone has routines when it comes to preparing for bed. I too, wash my face, brush my teeth etc. right before I go to bed. So it doesn't make sense (unless it was bedtime) for him to decide that she has to brush them NOW!!
Which makes me think these outbursts are something an indication of stress? financial strain? general unhappiness?
So something is triggering these and that is why I asked what has changed?
I don't think it would be a bad idea to talk to a counselor, not just for you, but for your daughter. I'm sure she understands this situation even less than you.
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