A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so I’m in love with girl that I’ve been with for 4 years, were 20 years old and we’ve been living together in our own flat for the last two years. She’s an orphan and has little contact with her family and does not have a lot of friends. She’s my best friend and we’ve been through hell and back together even being homeless together before we started living together. We’ve recently been through a lot of stress in both our lives but I believe we are transitioning into the lives that we want and in a few months we'll both be happy and stress freeWe don’t have much but we’ve always had each other. Recently though she has been suffering with a lot of debilitating migraines on a daily basis to the point it’s been hard for us to be intimate properly for a while but were dealing with it and we’ve been going hospital for treatment.The problem is now though I recently went to my friends 21sr house party and it was full of old friends I haven’t seen in years. I don’t think anyone who knew me knew about my gf except for the bday boy. So I got really wasted for the first time. Of of the girls who I said to know started dancing with me and we ended up kissing a few times. She passed out not too long after so I doubt she remembers it and no-one saw us so it won’t get out or anything I left soon after. but that’s the first time either of us have cheated and the guilt is killing me. I can’t tell my gf coz I don’t want to break up with her and she’s so fragile right now I fear it would push her over the edge an d away from me. I’ll never do it again but I’m not sure what to do about this guilt in my heart. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2016):
 Im sorry but the only way you will get rid of that guilt is if you tell her the truth. I can tell by your post your genuine and it was a mistake, but even still you need to make the mistake right by being honest. If she had been at a party and kissed someone I am pretty sure you would want to know the truth. You are both so young, and you have been together a long time so I am sure you can be honest with her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): Hey,You need to be honest. You ^^^ed up and kissed someone. It's better she finds out soon, from you, than potentially someone else telling her because then anything you say will seem like a lie. It might not be easy, but you have cheated on her so she needs to decide whether she wants to stay with you.Don't make a drama out of it, but don't try and shift the blame. You say no one but the bday boy knew you had a gf...why should they? YOU know you have a gf, they can kiss who they like and it's up to those in relationships - like you - to not get into those positions with someone. What would've happened if that other girl carried on? You need to monitor yourself and if you know when you're wasted you can't control yourself then it's up to you to not drink as much.But moving on from that - you 2 can move on from this. You don't want to break up with her, you have been through way too much together and you clearly want to carry on being with her. I would tell her everyone was drunk, someone came up to you and tried to kiss you and you remember that happening and that you are sorry for that. Reassure her that she can trust you and then be prepared to prove it - because her trust in you will be knocked. So if you promise to drink less at parties then you stick to it. You say she hasn't got many friends, so perhaps she could come with you? It might be nice for her to meet your friends and get out herself. You're both taking a lot on at such a young age - it's not to say it can't be done. I left home (not by choice) at 17, my bf of the same age rented a house with me when we were 18 and we've lived together ever since. We are married now, it wasn't always easy - making ends meet can be tough. Some people grow apart; it might happen to you two or it might not. Enjoy being with each other and if you really do love this girl and want to be with her then start showing her.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 February 2016):
 You're both too young to be making adult decisions for life...you're just 20 years old for heaven's sake! Call me a prude but I think that living together at 20 is really too soon.
Anyway, I've been suffering from migraines for a long, LONG time and just about anything can trigger an attack, so I know a thing or two about migraines. That being said, I think you owe your girlfriend the truth. Look, if anything happened before you met her then it would have been none of her business but you cheated, while *in* the relationship. I think that as hard as it might be for her, she deserves to know because then she can decide if she still wants to be with you or not. And believe me OP, word spreads. You might think that your little nocturnal escapade is safe but you never know.
Most first time cheaters think that they'll never do it again. I bet that if anyone asked you till last month if you would ever cheat, you would have said, "I'll never do it. Ever". Ever has now become "again".
Look at the bigger picture. There's something not quite right with your relationship and you're both playing house and being grown up way before you should.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (23 February 2016):
 Ok... You stuffed up, crossed the line, so not to let you off the hook entirely I shall say 'Dumb arse'. Come clean I say, tough yes but good for a few reasons. The first, you get let go of the guilt. Second get in first and save yourself a whole lot of trouble down the track if she does find out. Third she has a right to break up with you if thats a deal breaker for her and lastly if it is something you would like to know if the situation were reversed then show her the same respect. I'd hate hearing it myself, be furious in fact but I could be far more forgiving if I knew the truth from the get go.But thats me! No ones perfect and we make poor judgement calls. Man up, accept that you fucked up and be prepared for some fallout. if you cant trust yourself, dont get so wasted next time. I think more importantly you need to be asking yourself what would of happened if this ow didn't pass out?
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