A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't put my finger on what is my boyfriend's intention of going out with me again.I went out with him for about 2 months and he wanted a breakup saying that we are not "perfect" for each other. I mean, come on, it's a restarded excuse to break up with a person; NOBODY'S PERFECT!, but I agreed to break up with him anyways.After breakup, I tried to go out with other people. But more I meet people, more I miss him. And I guess he felt the same way, because after about 1,2 weeks later, he asked me to go back out.I said that we should give serious considerations before deciding whatever. And then about 3 days ago, I finally decided to go back out with him and we are going out currently now.The problem is that, I feel like I made a stupid mistake going back out with him again. First of all, EVERY SINGLE FRIEND of mine is against us going out together. Some said that he's awkward, some said that he's ugly, and some said that we don't look good together. I mean, I don't really care what everyone thinks, but if EVERY SINGLE FRIEND of mine says no, then there must be a valid reason, right?Secondly, I don't feel the sparkles and passions that I used to feel before. I know that the time has passed and it doesn't mean that I do not "like" him. But IDK, it's just that I feel rather comfortable? around him now simply as hanging out.Third, we have too much collisions! Like yesterday, I was talking to him online and I told him that he may not be the "right" guy for me, but I just want to follow my heart for now. And you know what? it made him pissed off and he told me not to talk about what I feel honestly because it makes him feel like our relationship is shortcoming. But you know what? personally for me?, I really do not see us together as a serious, long realtionship. I simply want to hang out with him and you know, just have fun. And I think he wants more from me and that irritates me.Fourth, I realize that he's quite more cocky and controlling than I thought. He acts like he knows everything all the time. He is kinda into philosophy and yes, I do like philosophy as well. But every conversation we are having when we meet is freaking philosophy. It's just too much sometimes!And like yesterday, we planned to go out and he texted me "I would like to go though. You should come though. IF I GO THAT IS." What the hell is he talking about? I have to go if he goes? It's not only that. the plan that we set yesterday just got canceled. He texted me that he "is not going" because his granmda just visited his house.I am trying to understand that it's a family business, but seriously, I am MAD for his actions right now.It makes me question if he does this on purpose just to revenge on me or something?And why do I even go out with him then? Well, I still like him, but I am not even sure anymore if it's just the feelings left after breakup or I truly like him. And I liked his artsy side like seeing another side of me.I gave up so much things because of him and it makes me more mad, because my reputation around the school has dropped drastically as if I am a bad student since I started going out with him (Well, he's a B student, but he has some bad rumors around the school.)The last reason is really material, but I need a date for my prom. And it's kinda too late to go out with another person now; I feel comfortable around my boyfriend, then why not just keeping him. I mean, we know each other so much now. I just can tell how he feels now (And he's a sort of person who doesn't express emotions much and acts really mature.) and I know he can be babyish sometimes. Like we KNOW each other. But IDK what to do. Did I make a mistake? Should I just ask him to stay friends rather than going out again?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 February 2009):
 It seems like you're really just not into him. And that's completely okay if you aren't, but I'm not completely sold on the reasons you gave. Your friends all have pretty superficial reasons for not liking this guy - i.e. he's not good looking, you don't look good together, etc. Not valid. If he treats you well, respects you, makes you smile, THAT'S what's important, not how good he looks. You also seem to be really concerned about your reputation - screw what everyone else thinks, are you happy?? That's what matters.
You seemed to like that he saw this other side of you - he probably saw you as a person, a creative, thinking, person. If you're anything like your friends, maybe people saw you as just really pretty and popular, but not exactly as a human being. I think it's cool that he was artsy and you felt good about that. And, since he's outside of your group, there won't be quite as much drama. Seriously, that's what I did in school. I was sick of the backstabbing, the cheating, the drama, so I just started dating hotties beyond my group and school and things were SO much better.
BUT, I really don't think that you should go out with someone you just aren't into. If you don't have chemistry together, cool. Keep him as a friend! You can still hang out, it can still be good. Just don't break up with him for the wrong reasons, know what I'm saying?
Good luck, sweetness!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): If the trees fall in the forest and no one is around to hear them, does that mean they didn't fall?
You two sound really perfect for each other and I wouldn't care what the rest of the school says.....depending on what his bad reputation is for....if it is something that is true and you don't like it, then question if you want a friend or a boyfriend like that.
I think if you want to ask him to the prom or vice versa do so.....don't use the excuse it is too late to go out with someone else.
Try just being his friend, it doesn't sound like either of you really wants a boyfriend/girlfriend, really at this stage of your life, you really need friends, not boyfriends...you are going to meet lots of boys that are friends and someday you will find someone right for you at the right time, but not until then... So you are on the right track in just dating and having fun, nothing serious, so if he wants to make other plans, so what....you make some too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question+ I wrote this question. And just to add this, it's hard for me to trust going out with a same guy twice. Cus' the last time, I went out with a same guy twice, he backstabbed me and hit on my friend. So I am just afraid if the same horror is happening again to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question+ I wrote this question. And just to add this, it's hard for me to trust going out with a same guy twice. Cus' the last time, I went out with a same guy twice, he backstabbed me and hit on my friend. So I am just afraid if the same horror is happening again to me.
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