A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am super confused and i need relationship advice now so here is my scenario:I recently started going to a new high-school and i met a new guy. I have never been the dating type so i was a little skeptical at first. We kept our distance from each other for the first six or seven months of the school year, keeping our relationship strictly professional.Until i finally gained enough courage to tell him i loved him right around the end of April. Right when the school year was coming to a close.From that moment on, our relationship took off. We started spending so much time together it would make your head spin. We hold hands, hold each other, kiss each other, and say we loved each other. But that was it. Not that there is any problem with that. We are both conservative christians who don't believe in sex or inappropriate touching before marriage.The only problem with our relationship was: He had a girlfriend.And the worst part was HE HID HER FROM ME. He thought that i didn't know about her. He was a graduating senior who has been attending our high-school for a previous five years before i came. He was voted most popular and knew almost everyone in the entire city let alone the school! EVERYONE talked about his GF around me, even he did when we were just friends. But then she just seemed to dissapear when i confessed my affection. They had been dating for almost two years and i know they love each other very very much. how could a girl like that just dissapear???That's when i started noticing weird things about our interactions.- He seldom used affectionate touches with me around his friends.- he never talked about his GF anymore.- He became so hot and cold with me.- He never wanted to spend any time together outside of school.So, as the school year came to a close, the 20 year-old (keep in mind that i am 2 years younger than he is) announced that he would be moving to a city in Kentucky which (and he didn't know that i knew this but) is EXACTLY where his GF lives. which hurt me deeply because i thought we had something special and i wouldn't be graduating for another year or two.The worst part is, now it is June, and we continue a long-distance relationship. However, i don't know what i am too him. Whether i am his GF or just a friend or what. I know that he is probably living with her and it hurts me so much to even talk to him. He has a full-time job now, which is great, i guess. He is so secretive now, we never talk, he still continues to lie to me about her, he seems to NEVER enjoy my company, he always stops talking to me around 8'o clock (I'm guessing that is when his GF gets home from work) He NEVER calls me. EVER. He just keeps hurting me over and over and i don't think he feels the same way about me anymore.I still love him so so much. It's literally killing me to be so far away from him. I recently found out that his absence is causing me to have chronic depression. However he never states what we are or what our relationship is clearly. He can never explain our love or clearly define his love for me or that he wants to have a relationship with me. My guess is he is guilty.I KNOW he has a girlfriend who he loves very very much and she loves him just the same. They are both really good people and i just feel like i'm getting in the way. I really don't want to hurt either of them, but if i had to choose, i would choose him because he lied to me in the first place and i really don't want to hurt his GF. The poor girl has no clue.I have tried guilting him into telling me the truth about her several times but nothing seems to work. He is a strong liar. And i am scared to mention anything about his GF or our relationship because i think he will get mad or escalate the situation. I don't want to have to scream at him or fight with him. I think that if it came down to it, he would deny everything and pretend like nothing ever existed(like i was just some crazy lady or something). Because i know he loves her and would do anything to be with her. And i just want him to be happy, even if it is with her.He is a really sweet man, a gentleman, NOT a douche bag, and good christian. He helps anyone in need, including participating in regular community volunteering. He is also funny. No wonder he already has a girlfriend! I don't want to loose him as a friend because he really is a great guy and a dependable friend. Therefore, i don't want to hurt him too badly and i don't want to hurt his GF at all. I know that being the "other women" is bad and i don't want that either so... i need to know:- What am i to him?- Why does he lie to me about her?- How should i handle the relationship?- What should i do????
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female
reader, Proxy  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Looks like this guy is trying to have his cake and eat it too.
I strongly suggest you break off all contact and relationship with this moron, he is no good for you at all he’s playing with your heart and mind. He’s refusing to show any contact or affection in public because he obviously doesn’t want anyone to know about you two, especially his girlfriend. His GIRLFRIEND, for two years? I'm very sorry to say that to him, you’re just his ‘bit on the side’ and ‘the other woman’.
Its plain and obvious from what I can read. You need to stay away from this guy, I know its hard but you need to move on and forget about him. You deserve someone who will love you and only you. Not this pathetic excuse for a man who calls himself a conservative Christian.
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 June 2011):
 you need to end your sordid relationship with this guy...stop calling him fawning over him thinking about him its time to move on.let him live his life hes lying because he caresabout you im sure and doesnt want to hurt you and your not making it easy.theres alot of other guys out there this one isnt the one.
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