A
male
age
41-50,
*atinoheat
writes:Everyone has heard the phrase love is not enough. Me personally I find it hard to believe that if someone says they love you and continue to do what they want that is not love. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. Maybe I was a little over zealous. Regardless she was to close to a male friend. We had a nasty breakup. I love her so much but this other guy keeps creeping his way in the picture. I cant stand him because at one time he was a close friend. All I ever wanted was for them to tell me the truth. I dont understand why it was so difficult to tell the truth. I will admit my ex came crying to me one night and me being the nice guy and still in love with her answered the phone. I was getting over her. She hurt me, she kissed him while we were dating. That to me is cheating. She says they had sex while we were dating. Now we were fixing to break up before at this time. We got in a huge argument over him. She would txt him constantly when we were together. I told both of them it bothered me. They still did it.I have not spoken to the male untill recently he came to talk to me. He was upsept. He knew he was in the wrong. He is feeling guilty. I called him out told him that no matter what at this point in my life I can not forgive him. One day god will help me to forgive him. I just can not. I still believe her over him any day. He still dennies a lot of things. He tells me that he told her he loved her that she forced it out of him. Well long story short it freaked her out. She has told him constantly to back off that she wants to be single and have time to herself to think. I feel that she would be with him today had she not cared for me. I saw a txt message that he showed me. She told him a week after we broke up that she wanted to make them work. But then she tells me she wants to make us work. Shes so confused. I love this woman. I want her to love me back. Shes told me she loves me and that she always will. She just thinks love is not enough. Im so confused. Now we are friends. I think im doing the right things by talking to her. We are a lot closer than we were before. She makes me smile and I make her smile. She scarred I dont know how to not make her scarred. What is a man supposed to do? My head tells me to move on my heart tells me to be patient. I just cant be. I feel so alone without her. Her friends told me she wants to be single. She hasnt told me out her mouth. Until she does I dont want to give up. What can I do?
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male
reader, latinoheat +, writes (31 May 2011):
latinoheat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she went home for memeorial day weekend. I told her to think about everything ive said. I basically said that she needs to quit lieing to herself and tell me face to face what shes thinking. I cant go on living like this no more. I was over this woman until one night she came to my house threw herself on me and just started crying for about 30 mins straight. She told me she loved me and wanted to be with me. I refuse to quit fighting for this girl until she tells me otherwise. Thank you all for your words. It helped alot.
A
male
reader, latinoheat +, writes (31 May 2011):
latinoheat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOnly reason at this poin in time that I believe her over him is because we already started talking about all this stuff slowly. She has admitted to a lot of things. Ahe sincerly apologized for what she did. She had more guts than he did. For that I can respect and believe her over him anyday. He wouldnt even look me in the eye when he spoke to me. Only concrete proof that I know she did want to be with him at one time is that txt message he showed me. Regardless that was after we broke up. He swears up and down they didnt fool around when we were dating. She says they did. Only reason why I believe her is a remeber that fight her and I had. She disappeared. She didnt answer her phone he did. She took the first steps in coming to me and appoligizing. She came over to my house and just cryed her eyes out. I asked her why she tells her friends something else and me something totally different. I just dont have time to wait on her anymore. I was getting over her until this night she came over told me she loved me and wanted to make us work again. Im just so confused.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 May 2011):
 You are emotionally meshed by this woman, but I am concerned that her allure is drawing you towards more pain.
She has not done the right thing by you on so many levels.
This is not a good place for you to be in. Because based on all you have said I have my doubts that she is being honest to you or the other guy. The other guy has been manipulating behind the scenes, even when you and this girl were together, to worm his way into her life and alienate her affection, away from you and instead towards him.
So he's already trashed all chances to be considered. He is not to be trusted. I don't care what mealy mouthed apologies he spouts. He's not even to be trusted with her.
But SHE played along with this creepy guy. Now that indicates poor judgement on her part. And she's been double dealing and breaking trust between you and her and the creepy guy between him and her. The eternal triangle is doing you no favors, and you are the innocent part in all this.
Yes, I have heard and understand that this woman is attractive to men, and particularly very attractive to you. She still stirs all your emotions and you would still like her back. She has treated you so poorly and yet you still want her back?
What is it about you and your past that you can so easily forgive this woman who is physically and emotionally attractive to you? Despite all the trust that has been trashed between the two of you? And despite her betrayal?
You do deserve a wonderful girl. One who you can trust one hundred per cent. Yes she also needs to be attractive to you physically, emotionally, sexually and in any other way that is important to you. And the girl must be one who can support you and be truthful to you a d respectful to you at all times. Have good judgement. And never even consider EVER being unfaithful to you.
That does not describe (entirely) your ex, and you know it.
Sometimes we cannot see a better future with someone else because we are still trapped in the past of 'what might have been'
And it is so hard to do what is the Right Thing for our long term happiness.
If a person had been my friend and had betrayed me in so many ways, and broken my trust, then I would try to talk about it and resolve it (you have tried that). If the result was unconclusive and I still had doubts, then I would distance myself from that person.
(you had no choice in that - she did that for you, by going with the creepy guy behind your back).
Also I would listen to an apology, but if I thought it insincere, then I would say good bye. Sometimes the best thing is to cut your losses, so we are not hurt any further.
She is welcome to the creepy guy. Two well matched manipulators side by side.
Whether she is THE most alluring woman
in the world, her core is not right for you.
The choice of course is yours. Only you know how much pain and betrayal and abuse of trust you can deal with.
Only you know if this situation can be turned around and if full trust can be restored.
But do not sell yourself short and settle for less than you do deserve.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 she says that love is not enough because her standard of love is NOT enough, she says the same things to you as she does to him, she is yo-yoing between you 2 guys, she cheated on you with him while you dating. maybe she is too insecure / messed up emotionally to trust just one man and that's why she wants both of you, so she always has a back up. this is all about HER she does not care enough about you or the other guy.
in my opinion, you cannot be 'friends' with someone you are still in love with, coz you are being friends with her for the wrong reason. if you get back with her i think you would not trust her and that would make for a miserable and insecure relationship.
getting over someone is always hard and you will grieve but in the long run, sometimes it is best to make that break and then move on with your life if you want to have any chance at being happy
x
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A
female
reader, lysha +, writes (29 May 2011):
 if you two have gotten closer, then you will be able to have a good heart to heart with her, ask her if she wants to be single because you need to hear it from her,ask her why she did it and if she says that she wants a relationship then you need to ask her to text or be in contact with this other boy if she wants you that much then you will respect that,but you need to take into consideration the fact that she also cheated on you, if you do go back together then it will be hard for you trust her because of the past/:just have a heart to heart talk with her, both of you be totally honest with one another and then if she isnt showing nothing then move on its best for you otherwise this in the end will drag you down, but if she sounds like she cares and wants to make a go at things even if its after a while then keep trying, but do not chase after her for too long otherwise you will be made look a fool when you could be trying to move on yourselfhope this helped :)
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A
female
reader, hopelessromantic15 +, writes (29 May 2011):
I had the same issue. If you truly love this woman then love waits and maybe one day she will realize everything you have done for her and realize no other man will love and care for her like you do, just saying never listen to everything the friends say. She could tell them "if he asks just tell him this..." ya kno? Follow your heart. BUT at the same time you can't believe her over him any day, no. Because she's the one that lied to you the most, she was playing the both of you. She told both of you she wanted to "make things work" he flat out showed you the txt message only a true friend would do that..that's showing you that he is truly sorry for what he did and it's kinda his way of making things up to you, because maybe he's seen a side of her you haven't and he's warning you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): This girl is confused and her actions have confused you. When I was faced with a similar situation my sister, in her wisdom, wrote me the following: I know you have been looking for a positive and committed relationship for a long time. If you look at this situation logically you will see that _______is not for you. He has lied and manipulated his way into your heart. He then betrayed you. He is not worthy and you deserve SO MUCH more. That does not mean you have to stop loving or caring for him, but really....is this the right relationship for you?I offer you the same words. She needs to figure herself out. You need to heal and move on. Neither of you can do that as long as you remain present in each other's lives.
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