A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was having dinner with my guy friends last night, and we were sharing recent dating experiences. Two of us are in our early 30s and the other guy his late 30s. As we shared our stories, a common theme emerged - we were tired of people playing games with us. All of us are well-educated, have great jobs, and workout regularly. I think we are great catches. We all want to have families. The problem is we keep meeting women who just play with our heads, act interested when they're not, and disappear. Myself - the last girl I met was at a speed dating event of all places. She took the initiative to ask for my number, and then flaked before the first date! The girl before that dropped me for a 45 year old man, and when I see her out now, she flirts with me right in front of him! The one before that stopped talking to me, because I wouldn't take her to lunch at an expensive place. I don't like trying to meet people in bars, so I've been trying speed dating and some online, but the result seems to be the same - head games. Why go to a speed dating event, ask for a guy's number, and then flake before you even know me? As a group the other night, we were heading toward having the opinion that women these days just want to play games, but I don't want to think that. What's the deal, or what am I doing wrong? I would get it if we were in high school, or had major life problems - no education, low-paying job, didn't take care of ourselves, but not the case.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): "acting interested when they are not" is just being polite when you are faced with someone you don't know at all. Acting "non interested" would come off as rude, dont' you think?
what you describe isn't playing games, it is just 'dating.'
playing games only happens when there is already some sort of relationship to speak of.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): First thing that I made a pointof wheni read your post: a woman who took your phone number, did she also give you her number. For me it would be a turn of if a guy never asked for my number. I would never call.
What you are describing is just a dating game. That's why most people don't like it. I dated many guys, before i married my husband, slept with some of them, and believe me i have stories to tell. Of course I have few of them that stood out, and I still remember them and laugh, but when it happened I was far from laughing.
I started dated a guy who was a little younger than me, but he was so sweet and handsome that I forgave him these few years. We dated for couple of weeks, and then had sex. It was in a hotel, and all started out to be very nice. He was not exactly very good in bed, but he had gorgeous body and beatifull smile. All was good, until at the end I noticed that he started to change by the minute. He became somewhat rude to me, rushing me to get dressed and get out. The worst thing was that when it was time to pay for hotel, his credit card got rejected, and I had a feeling that he knew that. So I had to pay for the room, not a big deal. I forgot to mention that he worked in y GYM, that's how we met. Next day I go to GYM, and he acts like he doesn't now me, but not ony that, he giggles at me and looks strange at me. I spend one hour in GYM that day and by the end of my workout I was convinced that he told his coworkers about our encounter. I don't know what he possibly gossiped about me, but several of them were starring at me laughing. They were all very young guys in their 20s, he was 29, and I at that time was 33.
I was not going to leave it at that and pretend I didn't pay any attention. Manager of that club was a woman, so I went to her and said that I had a date with that guy and now I can see that he told something to all other guys that work there and they are laughing at me. She told me to give her a little time and keep on working out. She came to me 20 minutes later and said that she actually noticed what I told her. And then she told me something that I still remember. She said that this guy is living in a special home with a bunch of other guys who are on some rehab programm. She said, it's under control of police, and he needs to be at home at certain time. His employment here at gym was part of placing people like that. That's why all the rushing and nervesness at the end of our date.
She also told me that these guys are not allowed to date under the agreement until they finish their rehab. I was shocked. I was basically dating a drug addict and putting myself in who knows what danger.
She also said she needs to report this incident to the police.
I never saw this guy again, but I was very cautious for the next few weeks everytime I was going to my gym.
And this is only one episode that I told you. As you can see for us women it's not only crazy and unstable people that we meet but also people who are taller and stronger than us physically. Every time we go out we are risking to be raped by a stranger who we just met. At least you don't have this problem.
Dating sucks, we all know that, but it deffinitely goes both ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): OP it happens both genders, dating is a game. It has to be and you have to be ruthless too because you can bet your ass women our age are going to be. Their bio-clock is ticking OP, they don't want to piss about with fools.
Flaked at the first date? Changed her mind basically, happens all the time for tonnes of reasons. For example maybe she didn't have the balls to refuse that date in person and so agreed, maybe something else or someone else came up, maybe she gave out her number to lots of guys that day.
The flirty wrinkly balls lover doesn't sound like much of a loss OP, lucky escape if you ask me.
The gold digger just wants to be wined and dined to a standard you weren't willing to go. No big deal.
OP that's just dating, this is how it goes. I've been rejected more times than I've had dinners, I've pretty much seen it all. Being given numbers then being ignored when I call, going out on dates only to find out they felt "obliged" but didn't like me, free loading for a meal, they only said yes because they like the act of dating as a hobby but don't actually want a man. Dating women who were on the rebound. Getting into fist fights with the ex they'd been texting while on our date who came to piss on his territory. Sitting through meals while they gave a play-by-play through text to one of their friends on the phone. I've had women tell me they loved me after the first date and start crying about how amazing we're going to be together. I've had women only date me because they wanted to prove to their friends or themselves that they could so they'd shut up about them being lonely while single. I had one woman tell me she wasn't looking for a boyfriend but wanted to have a baby on her own and felt it best to find that guy herself. I had a lesbian want to sleep with me because her girlfriend wanted her to try a guy out so that she'd be sure she was lesbian.
OP your stories are the minor, regular things that just happen while dating.
What happened with you wasn't even game playing. Wait until you date a rebound girl. Or a girl who is trying to make their ex jealous. Or looking to be saved from an abusive relationship. Or one who wants to use sex in exchange for material gifts you can provide. Or one who flirts with other guys to make you jealous. Or one who starts to cut any female friends you may have to pieces. Or one who starts crying at the idea of you going to a club without her and sending 40 texts throughout the night. Or one who dumps you every third date only to ring you up crying that she made a mistake. Or one accuses you of looking at other women. Or one who is violent towards you. Or has an STI she didn't tell you about. Or has three kids by 3 different dads. or has a history of cheating. or is texting two other guys she's seeing at the same time as you will deciding who is going to win.
OP it's just what dating is, for all those crazy games I just listed women have to face the same things from guys.
People are crazy OP, but that makes the whole thing far more interesting to do. I've only scratched the surface of what I've experienced. The most unbelievable weird crap happens while dating it's great.
Your problem is you're looking for Mrs. Right. To settle down with instead of just playing the game. Plus OP don't ever give a woman your number. Take hers, be the one in control and make things happen. They're the ones who have to eagerly wait by the phone in hopes that we call. Not the other way around. That's one of the many advantages to being a man. We get to relentlessly pursue then throw away as our needs arise.
Try not to take it personally OP, even that girl I dated whose mother crawled into the bed while we slept and started sucking me off is not to blame for why things don't work out.
People are the way they are, just roll with it and enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 May 2013):
Dear OP,
I've been online dating for a longer time now and I guess that I can, somehow, explain that phenomenon. But I feel it applies to both men and women.
After you're single for a longer time, you become somehow comfortable in your loneliness. Ok, you still want a partner, but at the same time, you've built a life and you'll need to give up some comfort and make some compromises to make the new thing work.
Not all of us women want to play games - I think the players are a small minority. Dating is time consuming and sometimes expensive for us as well. I suppose that most of the time, we don't have a clue what we're doing and we're not playing with anyone's head on purpose. We are just insecure, hesitating and maybe slightly distrustful, too comfortable in our single lifes..Yes, we're silently unhappy, we've been fed with unrealistic expectations about love that won't ever be met, we can't settle for less.. or we don't even know what it is that we want.
What I can recommend to all daters is: Take it slow. Don't expect anything. Don't have high hopes or big plans. That way, you won't be disappointed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): No, little girls play games, real women will respect you and your values. We aren't all interested in money and Power... For me a man could have nothing but if he has a heart of gold and a lovely sense of humour he has captured me. If you go to dating sites and speed dating and it doesn't work for you, why not try meeting women elsewhere. Usually love comes along when you least expect it, why not try joining a gym/club whatever and see if you meet anyone there. If not just enjoy being single and play these women at their own game!!! As for a family, there are plenty of women who want to settle down and start a family but some women have a screwed view that men only are after one thing and what would be the point in settling down. I find that men also play games and ive been hurt by guys in the past who loved to cheat on me and treat me like something off their shoe but I am generalising all men, like you just did with women. We aren't all the same !
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 May 2013):
 others may disagree, but i found the same exact problem with online dating. i never did speed dating but i would imagine it may possibly bring the same types of girls in. but for me, online dating was a haven for crazies. no thanks. just relax and when an incredible girl falls in your lap like what happened to me when i finally gave up online dating crap, you'll be amazed.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 May 2013):
 DV1 does that mean all men are always just look to trade up for a younger woman with bigger boobs? Come on now, don't be sexist.
I think this is just a problem everyone has with dating. For women a lot of guys will act interested but really they just want sex. Unfortunately that's just the reality of dating, that most people just aren't right for you and it's hard finding someone who is.
It might be worth trying online dating, I know a lot of couples who met that way. Bars are generally not a good way to meet people to date.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): You just need to find a woman who's on the same page as you. Not every woman likes games. Some women may look for excitement or fun, but some are looking for a potential husband.
I personally think that the more you chase for something, the more it will run away. One of my guy friends has a pretty high profile and is quite well known, but he couldn't find any woman until he stopped looking for one.
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A
female
reader, la femme jolie +, writes (5 May 2013):
It's ironic that there are many women who are looking for a good man who would be a good match for marriage and children. And they often complain about men just "using" them and also "playing games". There are both men and women who just want a fling with no serious relationship attached. And there are those who are seeking love and marriage. Narrow your search to only those who want what you want. And be Honest about what you're looking for with these women. Being honest with your guy friends is great but is not getting this information to where it needs to be. Try dating sites that are geared towards marriage, not just dating for fun. And speed dating is an absurd concept to begin with.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (5 May 2013):
 I find that the thing every woman that I've met, even ones in relationships, are loyal but always looking. They're always looking for the next ladder up. More money, more power, and yet someone that they can control even more.
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