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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have talked on the phone for 18 months;he says he loves me but doesn't want to meet? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (18 September 2006):
 It seems that if he will not meet you the relationship is bound to falter - high time now to force the issue, otherwise this could go on forever!..
The only way to move on in this situation is to tell him that you can't possibly move forward without meeting - and soon - see what he says, and arrange it so that it is as stress-free as possible, maybe for a short time, perhaps just for a coffee or a lunch - even perhaps you could get his brother to come along for moral support, or you could ask his brother why he is so nervous.
Surely he can't be that nervous!?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): I am the writer of the question. I am friends with his brother. The guy I talk too was away at college and has recently moved back to town. He is not married we have both seen pictures of each other(his brother was in the pic with him). He says that he is too nervouse to meet me.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Sorry - I just saw that you wrote you only talked to him on the phone and you didn't mention talking to him online at all. May I ask how you met him if it wasn't online?
All the same, I still think the best decision would be to cut contact with someone this dodgey...
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 You can be infatuated with someone you haven't met, but you cannot really love them because love is based on a long term relationship where you see the good and bad in people. Communication over the net or just by phone is artificial unfortunately because you only see, or rather hear, what they want you to. There could be all sorts of reasons why this guy cannot meet you - he maybe in prison, married or just addicted to the telephone 'pen pal' relationship. However painful you really must move on as you deserve someone who does want to be with you in person.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (14 September 2006):
Hello Anon,
There really isn't too much to go by from what you post. But honestly, even the title of this made me weary of this boyfriend of yours.
I think that him not wanting to meet after 18 months is a huge warning signal. If you've only talked with him online and on the phone and he refuses to meet you in person, you could be dealing with someone who isn't quite right, if you know what I mean.
Anyone who really loves someone else is going to want to see that other person, and sooner than a year and a half into the relationship.
As heartbreaking as it might be for you, since you really do seem to care for this guy, I think you should drop him immediatly. Something in this situation is extremely off.
Think about it this way: if someone you know came to you and said that the person who she loves, has never seen, but has only talked to online and over the phone refused to meet her - after a year and a half (!) - what would you say?
I think deep down you know what you must do. And now is the time to do it.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2006):
 married...Married...MARRIED
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A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (14 September 2006):
More info, please - how can you call him a boyfriend when you never see him?
Have you ever actually met him face to face?
Do you know any of his friends/family - could you talk to them about it?
Alarm bells ringing away here - are you sure he's not married?
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