A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We've been dating for over a year now and met only once (different countries). I love the everyday talking (chatting on facebook) which usually lasts 30 mins-an hour but sometimes when we aren't busy I want to talk more but he says it's too much. How can it be too much since we NEVER get to spend time together in person? Am I too clingy? Has he lost interest? I really wish he would enjoy spending time with me as I do. Are all men like that? Or am I doing something wrong?
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male
reader, mkateko  +, writes (25 June 2013):
 I think you better stop calling that relationship, It is a kind of a one night stand. Chatting for 30 minutes is very far from being enough a day. You are not even talking of calling each other here. You know it is even better if you were talking of talking on a phone call for that 30 minutes a day. I don't even thing you can recognises the voice of that person(you call a patner).
Get your local guys, start friendship and maybe you can even take it to the next level. Forget about this GOOD ON LINE FRIEND of your.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 June 2013):
 If you have met only once, this is not dating. Relationships are hard. LDRS are harder and require a few things one of which is regularly scheduled visits. Since this is not happening, this cannot be classed IMO as dating or a relationship but rather good online friends.
Basically being in an LDR where you are too young to afford travel or make plans to end the distance are just fantasy relationships.
LDRs need the following:
Honesty
Communication
Trust
MONEY (for travel)
Regularly scheduled visits (my take is no less than every other month for those that are VLDR such as yours)
A plan to end the distance
A plan to end the distance should be in place after the first year or so of the relationship otherwise you are just playing.
The whole point of an LDR is to NOT be an LDR. If you consider him your bf and shut yourself off from other local or closer fellows to date, perhaps you need to consider what you are hiding from by accepting a non-relationship as a relationship.
NO not all men are like this
NO you are not being clingy
NO you are not doing anything wrong.
WHAT’s WRONG is your belief that this is a real relationship. It’s not.
I did a short distance LDR. I met him in person in August 2010 and then again in November. We were two hours apart by car. By December 2010 we had met once. Then we did it once again in January 2011, by March 2011 we were every other weekend and by April 2011 we were EVERY WEEKEND. December 2011 he gave up his apartment and moved to be with me. October 2012 we married.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (25 June 2013):
 Hi
I don't see this thing you have going as dating or being in any kind of relationship.
You talk for half hour a day so the other 23 and a half hours are spent getting on with your lives in another country.
You have met once in over a year. That's just a guy you chat to, a mate online. Not a boyfriend. You don't share friends and family, spend quality time together, share your lives. Ofcourse he will lose interest, surprised you haven't.
Are there absolutely no local lads you like,that you *can* date and share your life with ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2013): The only thing that you're doing wrong is believing you're dating. You're a young girl who deserves to get out and have some fun. Meet boys and make friends. I know people consider frequently chatting online with a significant person of interest as "dating." That is really not truly a romantic relationship. Call it what you want, it really isn't dating. Just exchanging words and images does not make; nor maintain the same amount of fulfillment as actually being with someone in the flesh. Don't you want someone to hold your hand, stroke your hair, or give you a kiss. Wouldn't you rather feel a real hug?If you can't do that, he will have to go elsewhere.There is no substitute for real love and emotional interaction between a couple. Online communication is only meant to cross time and distance, and allow access when we can't otherwise be together. It's what couples use when they must be separated beyond their control. As long as you're online you are only friends. You both have to enjoy getting out and doing things so you don't get caught in the rut of online addiction.Most people just get bored sending messages.Please don't tie yourself down to someone you can't be with. Someone you haven't formed a committed relationship beyond a computer screen. You deserve more. You need to expand your options.Online chatting with people, isn't how you judge how men or women are in real life relationships.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 June 2013):
Well, you're not actually spending time TOGETHER, and that's the problem.
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A
male
reader, Alone in Upstate +, writes (25 June 2013):
For me, the physical (not just sex) component is a must. To be blunt, compare it to this - you are in love with a specific new car. You go to the dealership every day to see it, but do nothing more than look at it or admire it.....if you don't make the move to take it home, it just sits there.....not fair to either one of you.
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