A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé and I have decided to part ways 3 months ago. We were together for 10 years. We argued way too much that the love and respect slowly faded. I am not ready for commitment at all, but wanted a little distraction. I recently started seeing a cop, we've been hitting it off, going out on dates, talking everyday.. Well, Its been about a month and yesterday we engaged in sexual intercourse. It was amazing. I know this is wrong and invasion of privacy, but I looked through his phone. I noticed he still talks to his ex, when he said he didn't. She even mentioned me! She stated, "Have fun with her and the other girl that you were seeing"This shouldn't bother me since we don't have anything serious but it did upset me, only because I refused to be lied to. I'm at a stage where I don't trust men. Although I am dating, I'm still focusing on myself and my career. But Should I call it quits with the cop or should I ignore his lying ways and continue seeing him for a good time?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (25 June 2013):
 He is also clearly not interested in anything serious with you or would not be keeping secrets or lying. Since its also what you want , why would it matter if he lied. Also this can be very dangerous , you are not serious about him but yet you want to know what he does with his personal time, hence you looked at his phone. FWB don't work out for woman as we are by nature emotional creature.
I suggest you take a break from the dating scene as you are still recovering from a break up be it a mutual decision. We just don't forget that we shared a 10 year relationship with someone.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 June 2013):
I don't think he lied to you to be malicious or anything. I think people are lied to or a secret it kept from them because the other party doesn't want to hurt their feelings or even get into the dynamics of it, especially if you aren't in a relationship right now. If he was your boyfriend, then yes, I think you would have every right to be pissed off. But he's not.
I recently started dating a guy and he kept trying to look at my text messages and even took my phone from me! It was a turn off and it's none of his business who I talk to and what about. I am seeing other people and if he asked I may or may not tell the truth. It doesn't mean I'm a compulsive liar, I just don't want to talk about it with him. If we became serious, then I wouldn't talk to them anymore. Simple as that.
So if you like him, then continue to see him. I just wouldn't ask about who he's talking to etc. unless you want to make yourself upset. Just make sure you use protection if you want to continue having a sexual relationship.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 June 2013):
I don't think he lied to you to be malicious or anything. I think people are lied to or a secret it kept from them because the other party doesn't want to hurt their feelings or even get into the dynamics of it, especially if you aren't in a relationship right now. If he was your boyfriend, then yes, I think you would have every right to be pissed off. But he's not.
I recently started dating a guy and he kept trying to look at my text messages and even took my phone from me! It was a turn off and it's none of his business who I talk to and what about. I am seeing other people and if he asked I may or may not tell the truth. It doesn't mean I'm a compulsive liar, I just don't want to talk about it with him. If we became serious, then I wouldn't talk to them anymore. Simple as that.
So if you like him, then continue to see him. I just wouldn't ask about who he's talking to etc. unless you want to make yourself upset. Just make sure you use protection if you want to continue having a sexual relationship.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 June 2013):
 It's been 10 years since you were out on the dating field, and I'm sorry you and your ex called it quits.
However, when you tell a guy that you're not interested in a relationship, that you're just out for a good time, that you're wanting a little distraction, and you're focusing on yourself and your career, then you are in a Friends with Benefits situation.
That means NO STRINGS ATTACHED. You shouldn't be asking questions about whether or not he still talks to his ex. He can sleep with 900 other women, and as long as he's being safe, it's all allowed!
People who are in No commitment, no strings attached, simple distraction fun with a guy do NOT look through cell phones! Why would you do that? You're not his girlfriend, there's no cheating, no feelings, no commitments, no exclusivity. You're using him, and he's using you.
Again, as to his lying about talking to an ex, he's made no promises to you about anything to do with other women! He uses you until he doesn't want to anymore, and you're using him until you don't want to anymore. You don't check on people and imply exclusivity on one hand and then talk like you don't want to commit, you're only having fun, distraction stuff.
I don't think you're over your ex if you're going around digging up stuff on FWB's. And if you can't handle an FWB, then you shouldn't be in one, because he gets to talk to anyone he feels like talking to, and so do you. There's no "next step" from an FWB to a relationship, so he has nothing to prove to you. You can't say "I don't want to commit" and then size him up with the same tests of integrity as you would a potential relationship partner, because there ISN'T a potential relationship! It's very rare that an FWB becomes a relationship. What usually happens is that someone (90% of the time it's the woman) starts developing feelings and falling for the FWB, and then the FWB doesn't have the same emotional awakening, and then the one with the feelings gets really hurt.
If you can't handle FWB, then don't be in one. You're not handling it by checking cell phones. So he lied to you. Probably means you shouldn't have a relationship with him. But guess what? You're not in one anyways! So do what you like! In this case, the lying and the invading privacy sorta cancel each other out in a trivial scenario like FWB.
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