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anonymous
writes: I suffer from agoraphobia and live on the outskirts of a city. I find it very hard to go out and get quite depressed. I suffer from anxiety most days. Yet, I still am positive, try to do all I can and make the most of what I have got.I am worried that my relationship with my boyfriend will become boring. We have only be together for about 6 months but we already seem to be in a routine. We make love when he wants really (I'm scared to begin it for fear of rejection and getting upset) he goes out at weekends, nothing exciting happens. We act almost like an old married couple! I may get anxious but I still want excitement! I wish he would sweep me off my feet and to bed sometimes! Any ideas of what to do? Should I be feeling like this so early in the relationship? He is the same age as me, we aren't old, he works hard. Is it me?
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reader, misty +, writes (13 April 2005):
I agree with the person who answered your question all the answers are there with in your letter.you need to take a long hard look at your life and ask yourself do you want to live like this?I reckon that's a big no my friend. Start with asking yourself when did you start to feel this way? What was it the started it all off? Because theres always a root to a problem.I myself have suffered with anxiety and depression and there's no easy way out but to lose everything, that makes you worse or in any way upsets you. No tablets from the doctor could help me, only me myself and Ii !I had to end a 3 year relationship to make myself depend on me again and not on him or anyone else,to prove to myself I could walk up the shop on my own and not worry about what people think or what they will say. The trouble you're having in yourself is putting a big strain on your boyfriend. He probably don't even think there's a problem, does he? Aand unless you share with him all your fears he won't be able to help or even try to put your mind at ease.Talking things over always helps me. I hope it will work for you.After a while all relationships lose that fun stage. Yours seems a little to soon but I'm sure you could find a way to spice things up try to be more up for it. Get a porn film and watch together or maybe dress up for him,find out what he likes in that way?Take long baths together, be really bad and go out in the car, don't get seen tho.Play strip poker. That's my fave.I hope I've helped.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2005): I have a feeling that this is not the first time you are asking yourself that question. If you read your posting again, as an objective viewer, you might find the answer to your own question. You used words like depressed, anxious, worried, and scared to describe yourself. To describe your boyfriend you say he works hard and goes out on the weekends. You also claim that you wish he would sweep you off your feet. First off, your wish is passive, in that, you are waiting for him to give you what you want, rather than seeking it out for yourself. Have you told him your wishes, or only your fears? Second, he may be reluctant to "sweep you off your feet" for fear of causing a panic attack in you. Sex is a two way street, where the lovers, who are traveling from opposite ends, must meet in the middle for the chemistry to survive. It sounds like you are in a rut at the beginning of your street. He travels towards the center, you're not there, so he travels towards you some more, and some more, until he finally reaches you. By that time, he probably feels like you don't desire him, and he wants a quickie to satisfy only the primitive urge to ejaculate. You were too scared to meet him in the middle and show some passion and affection. Why would a man want to sweep you off of your feet, when you are cemented in the ground? Unfortunately, because of your "diagnosis" you must go to greater lengths to keep your sex life and relationships alive. No man will refuse an erotic greeting when he arrives home from work. You have to lose the fear. What's the worst that he could say, "I'm not in the mood"???? That's not so terrible, and you need not over analyze it if he does. I would encourage you to go to therapy. Try to go outside your home for it, but if you aren't ready for that, then a therapist can either work with you in your home, or over the phone, until you are ready. The answer to your question is Yes, it is You. But that doesn't make you any less capable of conquering your issues. You will eventually have to do so if you want a healthy relationship with anyone. Don't get discouraged. Try hard to learn new ways of relating to the world. Keep your partner involved in the process, but don't make him responsible for your feelings, whatever they may be. You have one life on earth, and fear is an important protective strategy. But, your obsessive fears are crippling you and your relationships. In this one life, will you continue to allow yourself to be dominated by your irrational thoughts, or will you rediscover your new self, and start living? Change and growth are difficult, but possible. It begins with courage, thrives on motivation, and ends with pride. So please take care of yourself.....the rest will follow.
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