A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HelloIm in a big family trouble now. And I wish I could get some advice from here.( I dont know hot to begin this question ...)Me and my husband we have knew each other more than a year then we got married 6 weeks ago.And yesterday he told me he wants a divorce.We are from different countries and he moved to my country half an year ago. And he couldnt get a job, then both of us have to do part time job for the basic life.He was a nice guy, even he does something that I dont like such as smoke and drink ... But we were ok, even have some small upset but we just can get through that quickly.Since we get married he just changed, he changed his passwords and I dont know none of them because he told me he doesnt want me to do anything with his family ( Because sometimes he smokes a lot and I just say I will let your family know that dont think you can be a jerk here and no one knows).Then he began to Email a Russian women, and Im sure he doesnt know that person because its a spam Email!Then he got a website account for talking to girls, and he did hide he is a married man and when I asked him why did he do that he told me because none of the girls asked are you married, even they asked him do you have girlfriend and he said I dont. He also told me he just wanna have some fun and telling girls he is not single then it wont be a good idea.I know he is lonely here but I dont think he flirt with girls works for me then we had a few big quarrels but we still didnt figure it out. ( Guess I just gave him too less space or its no big deal if a married man fun a wee bit fun from Internet. )Last a few days we just keep having quarrels over nothing, he keep telling me he wants to back to his country and hes not sure when he will back to my country, I asked him how about me go with him then he refused it, he said none of his family wants to see me and anyway, me go with him is not a good idea at all.Last night we had a quarrel again, and I even dont really remember what the reason was, then he just told me he wants to devorce, I texted his mum and told her he wants to devorce and hes mum told him she will buy him the flight. ( Im not blaming her, I think it could be a good idea because he and me we even cant have a real conversation. So maybe stay in different place could help us to clam down, and itw wouldnt be a bad thing.)I feel theres not much trust between him and me.Like we dont share the passwords with each other.And I do think he be nice to me sometimes just wanna use me, he couldnt speak my language so he even couldnt do his job by him own because he cant tell ppl when does he wanna go. ( And I go with him all the time.)He doesnt alow me to buy electric because he told me he wants to buy the flight, I dont know, he has plan back home for a long while. Almost 5 weeks already and we just married around 6 weeks.The problems that we are having now is we cant have a conversation, we have quarrels all the time, theres not much trust between us, and he is leaving.I dont know where my marriage will go.I dont know how to handle this, Im not saying Im totally innocence because I know Im not.He and me both of us pushed the marriage to the end.I want to save the marriage but I just cant see any hope, and I dont know what does he want and what does he want to do, maybe he doesnt know it either.So what should I do now? And what do you think about my marriage? Will we be together again or theres no hope at all?Thanks for reading my question.
View related questions:
different countries, divorce, flirt, married man, smokes, talking to girls, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I agree if after 6 weeks he's looking for other women and wants a divorce then the best thing to do is let him file for a divorce or check and see if you can actually even get an annulment... then it would be like you were never married... the marriage would be null.... like it never existed.
but I would not hold out any hope that you can fix this.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Let him get the divorce.... and chalk the experience up as a month-and-a-half of learning......
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2012):
 You write:
***( Guess I just gave him too less space or its no big deal if a married man fun a wee bit fun from Internet. )***
I absolutely DISAGREE with you. A married MAN should NOT NEED to look around for his WEE bit of fun with random chicks, sorry ONCE you say:" I do.." THAT is over.. The wee bit of fun is for SINGLE GUYS. Doesn't mean your life is over because you get married, but you need to have your priorities straight. HE IS ACTING like he is still single.
And I'm sorry, I would let him FILE for divorce and let him move back home with his family. He isn't happy and he certainly isn't making you happy either. IT does sound like the marriage was rushed and a mistake.
How did you two meet and date? Over the Internet? If so, the guy you fell for is not the guy you married. In the sense that if you two only talked on the internet but didn't spend a lot of time together you ONLY saw what he wanted you to see and what he THOUGHT you would want from him.
You two are basically strangers. There is no trust from either side.
You can't make someone love you if they don't really love you. And the fact that after only 6 short weeks he is willing to throw in the towel, kind of indicate that he regrets this marriage. It was fine in the "concept" or idea of it while you two talked, but reality turned out very differently.
What is it you want to hold on to so badly?
To be honest ending it now may be the best thing for the two of you. That way YOU can find someone who is a better fit and so can he. Giving up your ENTIRE life for someone else is HARD - leaving your home country, your family, your friends, job, familiar places - not everyone can hack it. I would guess HE can't.
Sorry, I don't see a happy ending with the two of you.
...............................
|
