A
female
age
36-40,
*eccaBoo
writes:Hi,I just wondered if anyone has any advice...I've just moved in with my boyf, but we have been together three years.He doesnt do anything around the house. No cooking, cleaning, Nothing!!! I lend him my car to take to work every day, which cuts his journey time down by 4/5...and do everythin else otherwise we would live in a hellhole.He is never loving or caring (unless he wants 'something') and doesn't even want me to sleep in his bed with him. I just feel like he's so selfish and egocentric and that he doesn't ever act like he cares about me or my feelings and think about what I might like or want.I understand every relationship have its ups and downs, but I'm not being melodramatic when I say ours has no ups!!Problem is we signed a year long contract for this house which I ended up paying for the deposit and rent in advance. I'm doing a masters here so I can't leave but I can't afford this place on my own...and I'm not sure he would move out. I can't afford to loose out on what is nearly £1000 that I put down on this place. Does anyonw have any suggestions of what i can do???? Any help would be really appreciated.PS I have tried to explain this to him, but in the past he has just said he isnt going to change and I should just accept itThanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): Did he move out from his mothers house and into yours???? Has he EVER lived on his own - it sounds like someone didn't raise a may, but coddled a BOY.
Quit making his life so easy, and if he wants to act like a room mate, treat him like one... he fends for himself... he cooks, shops, cleans, does his laundry, pays his 1/2 of the rent and bills. If he needs a ride to work, let him find a mate at work to pick him up and shelp him around like his mama used to...
Next time find a man to have a relationship with - growing up is not hard, unless your never forced to...
A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (16 August 2009):
Can you find a roommate? you need to kick this bum out. Seriously. and DEFINITELY STOP lending him your car, cooking for him or doing anything for him! Ugh!!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (16 August 2009):
 I am surprised to read that you agreed to live with him in the first place if you were dating beforehand...did you not have some clue he was a slob? Anyway, we all make mistakes (I did...I kicked my mistake out as it was my place and found myself a cleaner version). This man thinks you are his surrogate mother and you are complying with the role by being too nice for your own good. He has your car, your cleaning services and sex available when he is 'nice'...why should he change? The only way you will be happy is to start being Ms Strict...let him know the party is over and in the real-world both of you have to contribute to the household. If he continues to be a lazy slob, kick him out and get another tenant, or go through your tenancy agreement with a fine-tooth comb to look for 'get out' clauses. Landlords cannot run off with your deposit for no reason anymore (it is the law) so don't panic. If you chuck him out, you could always find a flatshare person - quiet professional, another student - to help out with the bills. If you cannot persuade your boyfriend to leave then you can leave if you serve notice on the landlord or agent - just take your tenancy agreement to the student accommodation service or citizens advice to see what your options are. However, it is usually possible for you to serve notice to quit on a joint tenancy by contacting the landlord in writing. Also, I am assuming you will have some audited proof of payment of the deposit in your name - a cheque or credit card statement - which would help recover the sum.
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (16 August 2009):
When the guy doesnt change, you should start changing , not for his better bt for yours. There is no way u can leave the place before a year so just change your ways of living which might hit him and give him enough time to realise. Coz i think if you cannot afford a place on your own after that, share it with another roommate maybe? like near your university campus?? Living anywhere else would be better than living with this guy who doesnt even do anything around the house. so nyways..
I would start with not lending himthe car everyday. Secondly, you dont need to cook for him. Well youre not his servant are you? Make enough food for yourself. If he wants food, he can do the groceries himself. Try finding something that will make you stay out of the house as much as possible esp when he is at home. But, you have to stop doing things for him. Cleaning is one thing you should still do even though he doesnt help because that is one thing that will help your mind state. A clean house always gives positive and good vibes. Well, when his room can be separate so could be the chores. Put his laundry separate and jst divide up everything. If he doesnt do it, shove it all in his room, treat him like another paying guest.
Someone taught me a lesson for lifetime: if you dont love yourself, noone else would ever. I dont say you dont love urself, But love youreself more. Do more things for you than for him.Make yourself so busy and happy that you dont need ny piece of shyt to make you happy. :)
you should change and tell him this is how its going to be. Either change for good or we spilt after the contracts over. You should use him too. :P dont sleep with him when he wants you to.do things according to your covinience and pleasure. dont gt used :)
I hope i helped . I know it sounds a lil immature . But incorporate these things slowly and youd see how he;d freak out because he takes you to be his caretaker and when you show your back, it should hit him hard.
I hope for the best of you.
God bless!
Love
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 August 2009):
He has to go, simple as that.
Your name on the lease, your deposit, he has to move out.
Ring the letting agent and ask what rights you have to get rid of him.
Don't worry, they will have had this a million times before. Our letting agent won't even take couples who have not lived together for less than a year and been together for 2.
Stop lending him your car. Tell him you want to move out and are taking steps to make this happen.
Good Luck!! xx
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