A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now, and we have recently hit a low point in our relationship...We met and fell madly in love at Uni and have always felt that we were 'the one' for each other. In 2005 we got engaged, but a few months later, I began feeling very unsettled and ended up hurting him very badly. We called off the engagement and I moved back to my parents.However, we remained close even after the split. Consquently, we got back together in March last year.We talked everything out, I apoloised, as did he for certain things and we agreed to forgive and forget and start over on his return from a 2 month trip to S. America. Things took a little time to settle when he got back but Christmas and the beginning of 2007 were great - we had a wonderful break in romantic Paris and everything seemed back on track. However, whilst we were apart, he applied for a job close to his home (300+ miles away from where we live now). I don't really want to move and confessed this to him last month in a heated moment. I did say though that I would go with him as I loved him and didn't want to lose him over it. He has now turned around and told me he doesn't think it will work. He can't let go of what I did and he doesn't want marriage or children in the forseeable future. He says he loves me but not the same as he used to and therefore is considering leaving me. This is all a bit of a shock to me as we had buried the past and were looking forward to our future together.He has done this before but he's always got over it and told me he doesn't want to lose me. He now says this was just cowardice!I understand that I hurt him terribly and things haven't been easy. But I know that we hate being without one another - and that we get on so well and have so much in common.What can I say/do to help the situation as I feel like I'm on death row waiting for him to leave...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): sounds to me like this guy was fooling himself about forgiving you for the past.he probably meant it at the time but faced with seeing you he just cant let go of whatever it is thats torturing him(would i be right to say sounds like you were unfaithful?).all this business of him saying hes considering leaving you is a bit unforgivable though.how long does he want to drag it on for?you need to get a cut off point somewhere.you say earlier that you felt very'unsettled'?why was this?you had cold feet about settling with him maybe?could he be picking up on those vibes and after whatever it was that happened between you hes finally letting go?i think its very hard in relationships once you start splitting up and getting back together.its very hard to make things as they once were.maybe its a way of slowly healing ourselves off of this person bit by bit until eventually we can be without them.almost like an addiction.i think hes been healing himself and as it turns out hes realised he can live without you after all.i dont believe for one moment that he ever set out to decieve you.people change.their hearts become harder.maybe too,him applying for this job he wants the decision taken out of his hands.this will be a way of him being forced to end it if you decide not to go.maybe he knows deep down you wont.
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