A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 years old now. I dated my boyfriend when we were both 19 years old and he was away in the army. We didn't have a great relationship then (mainly long distance), but I was stupid and very immature..as he was too. I ended up dating someone else when we broke up after a year. When my new boyfriend broke up with me after a year I was traumatized and heartbroken. Ironically, as soon as we broke up, my ex boyfriend came home from the army for good and we got back together. I admitted to him that it was a kind of rebound for me and I didn't really care for him at first.ANYWAY...we saw each other a lot and I saw how much he really matured and treated me great. He hated arguing because he didnt want me mad or sad. I felt he was finally very genuine towards me and it felt great. 10 months later (last march) we broke up because he was having financial problems and i was 2 hours away in college finishing up my toughest year and was about to do a summer internship. It was a bad breakup. I realized I missed him. I didn't know if it was the thought of being with someone ..or him..that I missed. Anyway, I tried contacting him (bad move) ..he was hanging out with and having sex with his younger sister's friend. She is 19. My boyfriend HATED immature people and hates these certain type of girls (everything which that girl was). He would lie to me and tell me it was nothing. Finally he FLIPPED and said "move on because i did and i dont care about u!" ..So I went on with my life. Also, me and my ex slept together once when we almost got back together during our breakup (which i feel is dangerous to me because he lied to me and told me he never slept with that girl). His sister even stopped talking to him because that was her friend.Anyways..6 months later...here we are..back together. its been 3 months so far and im not completely happy. At first it was rough because I couldn't get over it. I know we weren't together-but still it bothers me greatly! He's been with a lot of women, but this one gets me. I don't even personally know her. I only know of her. If I bring it up to him now..he says how he's embarrassed and regrets it. ..It just makes me sick. It's not that bad when we are physicall together. However, im away at school (but i see him every weekend). I graduate in 2 weeks and moving home near him. We talk about living together and he has been such a great part of my life that i very much consider it. specially cuz if we don't live together...I'm moving away to NYC. I've even bought books about forgiveness...I'm so paranoid with him. I know he doesn't even think about it and he gets defensive if i bring it up. Its to the point where its like ..i need to get over it or move on. I just want to know..am I overreacting? is it possible to move on from this situation?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 It is possible to move on, at the end of the day he wasnt with you therefore he done nothing wrong, ok so this girl wasnt his type but she was probably his rebound and we all make mistakes. If you keep bringing this up then you will end up pushing him away, you are treating him like he has cheated on you when he hasnt you were both single and free to do what you both wanted therefore you need to accept that he done nothing wrong and move on if you are wanting this relationship to work. You cant hold this against him, ok so she was young but who is to say that she was immature? She may have been mature for her age and he obviously found something in her that attracted him to her. But its in the past and therefore it should stay there, everyone has a past.
So treat this as a new start for both of you, forget about each others past and concentrate on getting to know each other again, and enjoying each others company.
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